Almost all my life I’ve absolutely despised children. Pretty much from the moment I stopped being a child I’ve hated being around children.
It doesn’t even matter what the child is doing. Whether they’re laughing and having fun or screaming and throwing a tantrum. The sound of a child being loud activates an almost primal rage that I can barely contain.
I’ve had to leave social gatherings/restaurants/grocery stores all because if I’d stayed I’d have made a complete ass of myself by screaming at a child just for existing.
It’s even worse with infants which makes me feel horrible because I know they can’t help it. I know the kids don’t know any better and it’s our job as adults to get them through childhood, but my blood boils when they get loud or demand attention.
Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Is there anything I can do to stop from getting so angry?
I have exactly the same. Therapy doesn’t work. There is no cure other than faking it. You have to let your rational mind win from that primal repulsive feeling. I also feel immense guilt for feeling this way about innocent little humans.
I still avoid children when I can. This has created a gap between my friends and me, they all have kids. I never go to their place, we always meet in public. I never told them but I think they know, because they don’t treat me differently when I tactically withdraw when children get involved.
Interestingly this is measurable. I have a garmin watch and whenever children are close for 15 mins, I get a relaxation reminder telling me to do breathing exercises. So this mental defect manifests itself physically.
Interestingly this is measurable. I have a garmin watch and whenever children are close for 15 mins, I get a relaxation reminder telling me to do breathing exercises. So this mental defect manifests itself physically.
A stress response is a stress response. When you’re feeling that fight/flight response, it’s not just in your brain. Maybe you have a bit of a mind/body/heart disconnect - I realized I did many years ago in therapy when I was upset about something and he asked where I felt it and I asked what he meant. I’ve worked on it since, paying attention to whether I feel a tightness in my throat, stomach, chest, butterflies, etc. It’s helped me notice patterns I didn’t before.
