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4 points

My car got towed when I went to the doctor (I’m too overweight to walk very far) and my medical bill was huge, so now I am bankrupt. At least I can sell my gun range that’s also a bar for cash. If I don’t fix my financial situation now, my kids will never be able to afford college, forever dooming my descendents to a life of burger flipping and penury.

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1 point

Add in a flag salute somewhere, and you got 'murica bingo

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1 point

Also needs a black lab and a pickup truck.

Can’t forget that

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1 point

Gotta add in some imperial units of measurement, and some cognetive dissonance in the form of disdain for socialist health care systems.

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1 point

Touché

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