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105 points

If a cute goblin woman wanted to claim me as her husband, I probably wouldn’t say no.

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131 points

I mean, cute in a 2D depiction, with a lot of detail missing, but think of the reality of the situation.

Probably smells like shit, literally. Bathes as frequently as she hunts fish.

Probably has no idea what a toothbrush is, chunks of meat stuck between teeth until the enzymes in her saliva break it down over weeks.

Anatomically incompatible, probably.

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99 points
*

Bro, the genre’s called fantasy for a reason.

Why you gotta ruin my dream of finding someone who loves me for myself? Unrealistic though it might be…

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22 points

If that’s the same criteria you use for looking for that someone, and you proceed with an open and courageous heart: it won’t be a dream.

And I would say that we have general artistic conventions of depicting elements the previous commentor suggested: smell lines, meat in teeth, etc… Their absence from the scene leads me to believe the commentor’s interpretation is far from the artist’s intentions.

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17 points

She doesn’t love you, you’re the first thing she could grab with a heart beat and two legs

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1 point

Why is your dream a tiny filthy goblin? You can do better.

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72 points

I can fix her

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62 points

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36 points
Deleted by creator
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13 points

Haven’t smelled too many wild animals have you? They generally do smell like shit.

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6 points

You ever smelled a coyote or a raccoon?

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32 points

I can fix her 😤

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1 point

Why would you, though, when you could have little goblinoid babies and save on the vet bill?

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13 points

you’re aware humans have existed in the wild for millions of years and we regularly fucked other human species, ye? and people can be in relationships without having sex.

Goblins that are capable of intelligent speech and understanding and desiring the concept of a husband are well within the limits of acceptability.

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2 points

Anatomically incompatible meaning… Well… You ever tried to put a sausage inside a garden hose?

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10 points

I mean, the many half races in DnD implies that most races arent anatomically incompatible

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4 points
*

There’s rules for that and in this case nope.

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9 points

Bathes as frequently as she hunts fish.

Bruh she has two toned hair and it looks good. That woman knows how to use hair dye well. I bet she bathes every day. Or every second day, goblins probably have healthier bathing habits than humans. Humans are so obsessed with cleanliness they don’t give their bodies time to apply its own natural measures. You’re not supposed to wash your hair with shampoo every day, you’ll damage it. And no conditioner above the neck. Your hair’s natural oils will come in and you’ll have healthy locks that shine. Constantly stripping your hair’s natural oils away will just make you dependent on shampoo and conditioner.

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3 points

Does your doctor prescribe your copeium, or is it synthesised in your bathtub?

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9 points

Fiction can be whatever you want it to be. There’s no Right way to depict fantasy races/creatures.

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6 points

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5 points

You had me at smells like shit

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3 points

Clean shaven arms and legs, combed hair (with highlights?), and an earring all imply that the goblin does care about and maintain her hygiene/appearance

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0 points

Making a lot of assumptions and claims about a literal fantasy creature.

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-1 points

Sure, but I’m probably right, based off franchise lore.

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48 points

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4 points

I’d marry goblin slayer

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12 points

If a cute goblin woman wanted to claim me as her husband, I probably wouldn’t say no.

FTFY

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-8 points

She’s like 7 years old and roughly that size too.

@fbi@fbi.gov deal with this guy

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20 points

The average goblin is about 3 to 3.5ft. And you can’t really tell a goblins age by looking at them. Admittedly, they reach adulthood at ~8 years old, but they live to 60.

You’re reaching, and it’s kinda creepy.

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-2 points

“It just looks like a kid”

Yeah a bit too much for me lol

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-3 points

It’s a joke my friend. The FBI don’t actually have a lemmy server

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14 points

Sad truth is, the government does not care about the wellbeing of goblins. Shameful.

That said, i do not see a mention of age.

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0 points

i will never understand the idea that human age limits would apply to a completely different species, if they’re fully mature and capable of consent at 9 years old then that’s their age limit, we don’t get to impose that on their species.

Should we stop birds from getting it on with each other because they mature within a year or two? I think they might take offense to that, and i don’t want to face an angry goose.

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-1 points
Deleted by creator
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5 points

Tiny women are fun, pass it on.

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-1 points
Deleted by creator
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