I know it’s senseless. I know it’s unreasonable. I know it’s unhealthy. There is, objectively, no reason to be in a bad mood because I lost a game being played for fun that has no stakes attached.
To be clear, this isn’t directed at the person who beat me (unless it’s someone who’s really rubbing my face in it). I want to win, I’m doing my best to win, I wouldn’t ask them to do any less, and I wouldn’t get any satisfaction from a victory against someone who was pulling their punches anyway. My negative feelings are largely directed inward: when I lose, I feel like a failure even though I intellectually understand that you’d have to be a complete tool to judge anyone else so harshly for losing at a game.
I’ve been like this as long as I can remember. I’ve definitely gotten a much better handle on my emotions when I was young, but I’m sure it it still comes through, even if people don’t say anything. It’s not fair to the people I play with, and I wish I wasn’t this way. I actually greatly prefer cooperative games over competitive games because of this, because that way if I lose, the other player(s) is/are in the same boat - we all failed together, so I can’t be judged negatively in comparison to anyone.
Anyone else have similar issues? Anyone who can offer insight as to why I might feel this way?
My solution is I’m always playing to get better. I didn’t win or lose, I succeeded in getting useful practice in. I observed the state of play and tried things out. I was practicing plays or techniques. Since I’m training a skill, I need to see wins and losses. If I end up winning a lot, it means I can apply whatever I learned, but there’s always so much more to learn.
Not be a Freudian, but what was your experience with competition as a child?
This feels like something that has roots in how you were socialized with regard to competition.
Just don’t play competitive multiplayer games. Is the occasional rush of the win worth all of the frustration? I play only SP and co-op now.
it’s because when you lose it’s because of SOME BULLSHIT that happened. Bullshit is always infuriating
Your self-worth is not tied to your successes and failures in video games.
I’ve had a long, addictive journey with video games and that was the conclusion to a lifetime of suffering inside.
