Almost all my life I’ve absolutely despised children. Pretty much from the moment I stopped being a child I’ve hated being around children.
It doesn’t even matter what the child is doing. Whether they’re laughing and having fun or screaming and throwing a tantrum. The sound of a child being loud activates an almost primal rage that I can barely contain.
I’ve had to leave social gatherings/restaurants/grocery stores all because if I’d stayed I’d have made a complete ass of myself by screaming at a child just for existing.
It’s even worse with infants which makes me feel horrible because I know they can’t help it. I know the kids don’t know any better and it’s our job as adults to get them through childhood, but my blood boils when they get loud or demand attention.
Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Is there anything I can do to stop from getting so angry?
I was a little like that until I had a kid myself. Much less than you perhaps, but I didn’t have fun with kids, I never knew what to do, what to tell them, and I would be very unforgiving with kids who are cheating or lying for fun.
I always thought that when you have one, yours is different.
When i meet my soulmate, I knew she would be an awesome mother and it helped me retain some faith. We ended up having a boy who is now 4 and a half.
I must admit, I didn’t know I had this much patience in me. Still not knowing what the hell I’m doing but I lowered the bar as much as I could : he’s happy, and he’s fed.
Now it’s not always easy, and he tests my limits daily by pushing all the proper buttons. Sometimes I ask my girlfriend for an… Emergency relief.
But now I kinda understand how to enter children’s world. Doesn’t work with all of them, and sometimes I must adapt. I still have a hard time tolerating crying over nothing serious, but I found ways to go around that and give hugs.
I try to remind myself of old memories when I did some very similar things with I was a kid, sometimes I’m not very proud…
All in all, I’m not telling to have kids, but just to say it can change. I just happened to have taken the “hard way”, and I didn’t regret any of it.
I don’t know how much patience you have for long term efforts. I have done this for other issues. Meditate on it. Spend initially 5 minutes a day and then lengthen and increase frequency to something like 10-20 minutes 2-3x a day. Figure out what works for you.
Recreate the situations and scenarios where you get triggered. And be in the situation. Stew in it. Notice more and more how you react. What is happening before your reaction? What is happening in the space between each reaction. You most likely will not find out the solution while in meditation. But the meditation will ingrain the ability to slow your processes down. So when you’re back in the situation you will start noticing the issues that are making you lose it.
Once armed with that knowledge you’ll either find new coping mechanisms or you’ll have better information for a mental health professional to help you see those new coping mechanisms.
Rinse and repeat.
Are you a cat?
I hated children until I had friends who are great parents and have great kids. I found out that I hate shitty parents, not kids. You can’t turn this comment into actionable life advice, I’m afraid.
I used to think “good” kids had “good” parents and vice versa but I learned this isn’t always the case. I should have realized, I was only such a “good” (quiet) kid because my parents scared me. I didn’t feel safe. But some good parents raise genuinely respectful yet also self-respecting kids.
My mom said she used to judge parents with bad kids, the ones having tantrums in the store, etc. “My kids would never do that”, she assumed she was doing something right and they were bad parents . "Then God gave me Janet ". My little sister, who was a tantrum throwing hellion of a little kid and the teenager who got brought home by the cops.
She’s a lovely person as an adult though.
THIS. Good parents are rare. I have one friend that has somehow raised 3 amazing kids. Don’t get me wrong, they occasionally act up, but on the whole I spend more time admiring how smart and thoughtful they are for 9, 13 and 15 year olds.
I used to hate kids. I gradually got over it in the course of 40 odd years. I still hate parents and can’t control their kids, but I don’t blame the children.
I have exactly the same. Therapy doesn’t work. There is no cure other than faking it. You have to let your rational mind win from that primal repulsive feeling. I also feel immense guilt for feeling this way about innocent little humans.
I still avoid children when I can. This has created a gap between my friends and me, they all have kids. I never go to their place, we always meet in public. I never told them but I think they know, because they don’t treat me differently when I tactically withdraw when children get involved.
Interestingly this is measurable. I have a garmin watch and whenever children are close for 15 mins, I get a relaxation reminder telling me to do breathing exercises. So this mental defect manifests itself physically.
Interestingly this is measurable. I have a garmin watch and whenever children are close for 15 mins, I get a relaxation reminder telling me to do breathing exercises. So this mental defect manifests itself physically.
A stress response is a stress response. When you’re feeling that fight/flight response, it’s not just in your brain. Maybe you have a bit of a mind/body/heart disconnect - I realized I did many years ago in therapy when I was upset about something and he asked where I felt it and I asked what he meant. I’ve worked on it since, paying attention to whether I feel a tightness in my throat, stomach, chest, butterflies, etc. It’s helped me notice patterns I didn’t before.
