It doesn’t matter what you say, just say it in a fake British accent. Make sure to awkwardly phase it out over time.

“Good News, everyone!”

I like to start a major fist-fight with the first student that dares to question my god-like authority. I deadpan an old-timey “put-up-your-dukes-sonny” kind of fisticuff… they buy it 100% of the time. I like to let the student get a few in before I absolutely make mincemeat out of them.

After that, the students seem to really respect me. I have to maintain that bitter grudge with that one student the rest of the semester, though. At no point do I want them to think I’ve gone soft.

Ignoring that these exercises are generally embarrassing and uncomfortable, the “best” one I had was in a moderately sized group of students (20-25) where on the first day everyone had to find an alliteration with their first name initial and a food they liked, and introduce themselves with it. (Example: Fred + frittatas).

Virtually everyone has a food they like, yet it’s not an overly personal question, and the little alliteration helps immensely in memorizing new names and faces. I knew almost all names from this by day 2.

Not an exercise, but it’s the only intro to a prof I remember after 20 years: In freshman chem (in the late 90’s): It was a big lecture hall with stadium seating and it was early afternoon so none of the students were 100% there.

Then this middle aged man comes jogging down the center walkway/steps with a bottle in his hand. He jogs up the the lab bench at the front of the room and pours the bottle (hydrogen peroxide in retrospect) into a large beaker and all of the sudden there was a 12+ ft column of foam shooting toward the ceiling - before most of the class even new the prof had arrived. Then he turned to us an said, “we’ll learn why that happened in about 3 weeks.”

He also ended every Friday lecture with a “Boom of the Week” in which he’d explode something (larger each week) in order to make sure we didn’t skip Friday classes. Rumor has is it that, years before I got there, the last Friday’s “Boom of Week” would involve taking the class to the river and dropping a large block of magnesium metal in the water. But the college of science had asked him to stop for fear of how it affected the fish.