SloppySol

I don’t want to be sad. But as they say, the only way out is through, right? Thank you for the downvote, whoever you are. I wish you’d tell me why so I could respond, but this will have to do.

I’m sorry to comment like this, but… I just had a thought I must, “save forever,” because I’m scared I’ll lose it.

All this time, I’ve wondered if my girlfriend hates me or not.

Now that I find my feelings, I can only wonder how MUCH she hates me.

I had a comment to a post where I felt similarly with a long story that related to what I was feeling. The time spent writing that comment, and the explicit open invitation to message them, made me feel enough hope to not think that specific flow of words, “how MUCH hate.”

I wondered, “how did I fuck up and how can I fix it?”

I cheated on her the first year I was with her. It’s hard to admit that I talked shit about her the first few days, and remnants lasted as a part of me for a while after.

It’s been 3 years now, and we live together because finances and a random gun shooting as part of a fight a neighbor of mine I never knew involved the beating up of a guy that came back with a gun.

That’s the story the cops gave me, and occams razor is hard to use there, especially when it doesn’t matter why it happened. I moved out to live with her, and we got a new apartment.

I asked her to move in with me after she mentioned she wish that was the way it happened.

Initiative is the man’s responsibility, right? Sex says 1>1.

There’s love on both sides.

I’m sorry to spam. Again, I ask to please not ban. My life is on the line. I am not hateful or against any general rules. I ask that this be let passed for no reason other than to supplement the question I ask:

what do you value?!

Flattery?

That is great advice. A thing to do, and progress to reach for. Thank you. I will not make the decision to get a cat a hasty one, for all our sakes.

“Cats are instinctual.” Eh? Yeah? 9 lives and very soft? Ehhhhh?

Thank you, not that you’ll accept the gratitude, but that I appreciate your defense. It helped more than I know, but I know I felt relief.

Thank you.

For the 5th time reading this, sincerely, “ouch.” - me

03:12

Power lies in paths realized, expressed in terms of interaction, created in the safety of a human mind.

The mind implies the brain, but what most forget is that it also includes the body. The body speaks as you.

But power lies in relationships and your place in them. The “bodies,” outside of you interact in very complex ways. The “body,” within, though?

Now that I question with such text, I answer in passion. I want this passion to be visible, for that sake I dream of making an interface to write.

I’ll make it on Linux, accessible by command line, but I’ll make it accessible with a GUI as well.

First comes the gui, not in code but in formulation of a place for me to write freely.

“Frame of reference is the necessary difference for separation to exist.” - me, now.

How audacious, to write my thoughts on such a way. Contagiously, is my hope in that question with no question mark.

Who cares what I have to say, when it’s nothing but pseudo-intellectual bullshit.

Alas! I’ve found a target I would not mind exposing to this utter bullshit that is my soul right now.

You! I ask not for love, for hate, or anything inbetween or not. I ask for naught. Only that you care enough for the time you HAVE lost in reading whatever portion of this that you have read, to ask yourself what you feel.

Anytime, anywhere, all the time, everywhere, what you feel. Do you feel your breath? Your fingers, your toes, your muscles, your bones? The beating of your heart, that travels everywhere?

I don’t ask for an answer. I ask and I listen, I speak and it’s enough. Alas, if only that was the case. If only I could SHUT THE FUCK UP.

We live for many reasons, one of which is that we haven’t died yet. Another is that our parents fucked.

Was it worth it? I guess that’s what they must ask? Maybe? Sometimes? With no “earth,” as Plato saw it, we travel at the speed of light. Mass is the slowing down of light, from the perspective of the very very fat.

I strive to mean much, yet I still walk empty. I talk less than air, I scream with words silent. Is it worth the read? Was I worth my seed?

When you trust yourself to answer honestly is when the questions disappear.

Help, a scream of love, not me, but yourself. And not for me, either, please. The stronger my light grows, the easier it is to hide in its shadow.

Cry for yourself, if you can. It’s too late for me. Pray for your children, it’s too late for their seed. 03:29

I wonder what Ayn Rand’s best argument against that would be.

I don’t comment/post online much. I’m depressed and I think my girlfriend hates me, but these upvotes give me hope. Thank you.

If you find something that helps, please let me know. I’m so tired.