this exactly describes my childhood view of religion
I tried so hard to hear God. When I finally talked to my pastor about my doubts he said that reading the Bible would help. Reading the Bible made me doubt even more.
Did you attempt to analyse the Bible in a logical way though? I don’t believe in it personally, but someone I know is very adamant about being a Christian and thinks that the Bible essentially proves itself to be true.
The Bible is generally quite boring to read from cover to cover. A big part of the reason for this is that large sections of the Bible just tell you long family trees. The old testament also includes a lot of prophecies about Jesus and essentially what is supposed to happen in the new testament (if Jesus was really the messiah). Sections of the Bible like this aren’t necessarily supposed to excite you that much, but if you think of the Bible as one compiled historical document, you can check its internal consistencies and think about where information might be missing.
As an example, Jesus’ betrayer (who it wasn’t said in the old testament would specifically be Judas), was predicted to get 30 silver pieces for betraying him. This was a quite specific prediction, especially if you knew he would be dealing with Roman currency. It’s a bit like if we made up a new religion now and said that our messiah would appear in America and the betrayer would get $500. If that actually happened, it would be some evidence for our religion (or Christianity).
Of course we could say that 30 pieces of actual silver would have similar values across most (silver-backed) currency, which is unlike basically every world currency today. That might have been a reasonable prediction for what you would get for sending a criminal to be executed anyway. Also, we don’t really know if Judas actually got 30 silver pieces if we’re not gonna totally trust the Bible.
If you haven’t checked out any of the “cross-referencing” of the Bible and just think it’s an airy fairy thing about there being a God who performed miracles, then you’re denying the Bible from a lot less logical of a position than the Christian I know who is always banging on about this stuff to me to try and convert me.
As a side note, I believe there are a limited number of other historical sources relating to the time period of the Bible, although most of these would either be quite irrelevant or they would be deemed Satanic by Christians.
If I was writing a fanfic sequel to the old testament I would call it the new testament and say that Judas was paid 30 silver.
I could write whatever I want. Most people back then couldn’t read, and these stories had been passed down for generations by word of mouth.
All the animals of the earth can’t fit on a wooden boat. There isn’t enough water to flood the planet. Mankind isn’t descended from two people. You can discredit the bible from early on, unless you just “because magic” it.
regarding the bible, an interesting presentation from a biblical scholar and former believer https://youtu.be/pfheSAcCsrE
Wasn’t raised Christian, but had a similar experience. But I definitely believed in God, heaven, etc, because they seemed like facts of life. I just thought there must be more to it.
Anyway, precisely because I took these metaphysics seriously and at face value, and because I wanted to know more, I kept digging. And as any seeker of truth knows: if you keep digging at a lie, you will reach the bottom in short order.
I only had to wait long enough for my youthful incredulousness to fall away. What a waste of time… I couldn’t been studying music theory or something…
I remember being confused about how I was supposed to distinguish between my own thoughts and god 🙃
I clearly remember the moment when I realized that other people (other than weird fundies) were taking it seriously. I’m not sure what I had thought was going on, my best guess is that I thought praying and going to church was just a weird thing we were all supposed to do out of politeness, like not putting our elbows on the table.
I had the same thing when I was younger! In my head, it was like a thing people do just for tradition(or something?) that everyone knows isn’t real, but we play along for fun. Like when you knock on wood or wish on a star. Or when adults talk about what “Santa” brought them (and I don’t mean the people that genuinely believe in that shit). I dunno I had the concept well developed in my head like it was all some sort of metaphor and then my mind was blown when I learnt people actually think jesus was a real life wizard