Comment by SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de on Anon is a true romantic

Ive had a crush on you for a while

Good start

Are you down …

hmm

to get barebacked

aaaand derailed

Plot twist: she has difficulty with reading comprehension and understanding modern slang. She actually would have been interested in casual unprotected sex with him. But anon stopped reading and didn’t clarify himself.

Alternate plot twist: she really loves horseback riding and always wanted to try riding a horse without a saddle (i.e. “bare back”) but was a little nervous and wanted someone to help her with it. One day, she told herself, she would find the right person to “bareback” with.

Then anon DMs her. “Yes,” she says, “I will bareback with you! meet me at the horse ranch.”

Anon’s like “horse ranch? wtf” but goes for it. The fated hour arrives and anon rolls with it. they all live happily ever after.

…unless?

Although it was in person instead of text, I did hook up with someone I knew from highschool with basically the same direct approach. It helped that I knew she would find it funny.

Hell, even “are you down…” isn’t bad. Suggested finishers:

…to get coffee?
…for a movie night?
…for lunch/dinner?
…to hang out and chat at the park?
…to meet at the library for a quick game of Cones of Dunshire?

Basically anything but that.

… with the sickness? Ooh-ah-ah-ah-ah!

you don’t even get to finish the last ah before she weds you

Damnit now I wanna smash

Sad ooh-ah-ah-ah-ah

What about

…to build my Rivendell Lego set?
…to play some Goldeneye?
…to paint my Skaven army?

Save some women for the rest of us, sheesh

Who knows? Maybe she’s down…

…to lay waste to the city of Carthage for the glory of the Empire.
…to slay King Harold, forever changing the English language.
…for a brisk walk with the boys to the Atlantic Ocean…but first, a pit stop in Atlanta.

…to commit war crimes in Bosnia.

I hate that I’m doing this but the history need within me can’t let this one be

It’s the republic not the empire

Sorry I’ll leave now

If she says yes to the Skaven it’s your duty as a proud Dawi to crush her skull lest she infiltrates the clan.

Then we’re back to “Wanna smash?”

Dude, if she says yes to building a skaven army, you wife her immediately.

Trust me, I did.

"Are you down…:

… To get barebacked? Haha jk… Unless? Haha sorry my cat typed that…

What a shame — I kinda love it

You need to sweeten the pot with calzones if you expect anyone to play cones of dunshire as a first date.

He could have just copy pasted these bullet points

I think the best part is that he asked almost like he was making a doctor’s appointment lol “are you available at 3pm on Thursday for some dehumanizing unprotected sex with a smelly neckbeard? No? Would Friday work better?”

Well, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take…

You miss 100% of the shots you DO take if your shots are all thrown as hard as possible in the opposite direction of the basket…

Nah, it might bounce off something and back into the basket. :) Extremely unlikely, but there’s a chance!

Honesty bad. Only good if you’re a good boy who don’t want no sex.

It’s called tact. Maybe even basic social interaction. Also “to get barebacked”? How is that supposed to be appealing?

Hey, guess what. I like girls, but if an attractive girl comes up to me and says, “want me to shove my clam in your face?” my answer is going to be “what the fuck is wrong with you.”

You see, if women were actually interested in men, that wouldn’t be a thing. Apparently 80% of them are not. If a girl comes asking me for the throne like that, it’s gonna depend on the girl. Looks clean and healthy? Aww yeah, I’m not busy! Maybe I’ll call for an STD test with that kind of attitude.

Not everyone is that pathetic. Most of us actually want to interact with people and find out what they’re like before fucking them.

That only makes sense if you’re trying to have kids. Doesn’t matter for just sex. I would definitely recommend at least making sure they’re not the condom sabotage type. There’s nothing pathetic about casual sex. That mentality comes from jealousy. Go enjoy what you like. It doesn’t have to be that deep.

Are you the guy who wrote this green text? Go touch some grass kid…

Lol not jealousy, just not so desperate I’d fuck anything that moves. I guess I can afford to have standards.

Women love sex, but there are social repercussions for women that enjoy sex and ‘give it up’ easy. Also, as the physically weaker partner they often don’t get to have the sort of sex they want to be having, instead having to lay there and get violently rammed into for 5 minutes.

Bro I am a bottom. Don’t tell me that.

Than your issue is your potential sexual selection is an unnaturally small number for the same societal reasons

You see, if women were actually interested in men

Oh we’re definitely interested in men. Your experiences otherwise are solely to do with your personality, not your gender

I’m not referring to my experiences, but a poll I heard about.

Good luck with thinking you’re gonna make me feel bad.

Not sure I can believe any of the text because anon wasn’t immediately told to stay the fuck away or worse, and blocked.

She doesnt need to know the exact meaning, “I’m into you and want to do x with/to you” is clear enough that anon has romantic or sexual intent.

That anon got a not utterly revolted response to that hailmary is more an indication that the interest is mutual than not I’d say

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you’re new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

Anon is often crazy.
Anon is often depressed.
Anon frequently shares thoughts that are immature, offensive, or incomprehensible.

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

Anon is a true romantic(lemmy.world)

Greentext

!greentext@sh.itjust.works

Community stats

Community moderators