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219 points
  1. Meet woman, don’t be weird.

  2. Gradually build a loving, trusting relationship.

  3. She has to get surgery and she’ll be bed-bound while she recovers.

  4. “Will you take care of me, Anon?”

  5. Lord of the Rings marathon. The director’s cuts. She can’t run.

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90 points

The long setup. “Babe, you agreed to stay in sickness and in health. This is my sickness.”

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26 points

Narrator: But she didn’t stay.

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31 points

She died during the Battle of Helm’s Deep

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33 points

Just do old school style and read her the Silmarillion.

Make sure to get the annotated version.

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11 points

Return of the King was the first and only movie I’ve seen that had an intermission. Keep in mind this was only the theatrical version!

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6 points

Then go see 2001 A Space Odyssey. Wait until the IMAX release comes around.

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1 point

That movie is like taking 500 quaaluds

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Greentext

!greentext@sh.itjust.works

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you’re new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

  • Anon is often crazy.
  • Anon is often depressed.
  • Anon frequently shares thoughts that are immature, offensive, or incomprehensible.

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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