Of course, the answer was right in front of me! I just need to pull on those bootstraps harder
My bootstraps broke when I pulled them harder.
Turns out the local company that made bootstraps for 125 years was bought out by a hedge fund, which promptly fired all of the workers and subcontracted manufacturing to a company in Sri Lanka who could make them much cheaper by using inferior materials and by paying the Sri Lankan workers in 6 months what a fired local worker made in a day.
Ironically, the hedge fund CEO with the MBA he received as a legacy admission to Cornell only wears slippers because fuck you, I’m the boss.
Hold on bucko, the corporate police noticed that you were saying seditious statements about our glorious brand. The shareholders will decide your fate.
