Donald J. Trump plans to hold a “general news conference” on Thursday afternoon at his private club and home, Mar-a-Lago, the first such event he has held in months.

Mr. Trump announced the event on his website, Truth Social, on Thursday morning.

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51 points

Prediction: he’s going to announce he’s selling golden Trump brand dildos so everyone can go fuck themselves.

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12 points

“golden” dildos, at $1000. But if you opt for the “I’ve always supported you, and believe all your lies” version for $100,000 you can get the ultra special trump bucks dildo, modeled off your savior trump’s dick itself*. (*Note: all special versions are the same as the regular, any and all payments are recurring subscriptions and cannot be cancelled except in person)

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6 points

Why is mine tarnishing? Is this even real gold?

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2 points

It’s crusted with diamond dust!

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4 points

Golden couches.

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4 points

With a special pocket for glove and lube storage.

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3 points

Not too many comments actually make me laugh out loud, thanks for the laugh!

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2 points

Nah, with J.ust D.umb Vance now on board, it’ll probably be a new “Freedom Couch” sold exclusively at Bob’s Discount Furniture.

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