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I felt the same way until I read Paul Lockhart, starting with his essay: A Mathematician’s Lament.
Lockheart’s Measurement and Arithmetic were both joys to read.
I also really enjoyed reading Morris Kline’s Mathematics for the Nonmathematician, which brought in relevant historical and humanistic context to the discoveries and major developments of mathematics, which then made me feel much more motivated to learn about the math (whereas in a classroom I would be given a formula or concept and then I had to memorize it for an exam with no sense of why the math was beautiful, important, relevant, etc.).
It’s hard to repair the relationship to math, but I promise you it is possible.
