Bidet attachments for your toilet are about $30 and you can install it yourself with zero skills in 30 minutes.
Wouldn’t you pay $30 to never have to wipe shit again? Just dry off and that’s it. Greatest thing imaginable.
I’m not sure about EU specific but I’m currently using a Tushy brand bidet and it’s extremely simple and wonderful and their website and manuals are full of shitty puns! Also, consider one with a feminine setting as I’ve heard they’re extra helpful.
Also, don’t bother with heated bidets - unless you have to worry about the device freezing. My parents installed one in an older house and it would draw quite a bit of power, the lights would noticeably flicker lol
If you aim the bidet stream just right, you can also give yourself a mini-enema for an extra clean feeling that lasts all day. And bear down a bit when you wash. It causes the anus to relax, helping to get the bits that get stuck in the folds. The only folks who need to be careful are hemorrhoid sufferers. If you hit an bleeding 'roid with the stream, it’s butt-clenching painful. Use the gentle spray setting on those bad 'roid days.
You speak truth that most are afraid to admit. My butthole is clean though and my hemorrhoid much more tame since forgoing the rough paper wiping. Also, it can help speed up the “endless poop” feelings that can happen on a bad stomach day, cause you know you’re empty (for now)
People rep bidets all the time, but I don’t see many repping the detailed nuances of why the’re the shit
I know it’s ignorant, but all I can imagine when using a bidet for the first time is shooting my corn hole with a jet of cold water, not knowing how clean it is back there, and using a towel to dry off only to find watered down shit on the towel.
I was reluctant to get a bidet because I couldn’t hook it up to a warm water line, and was pleasantly surprised when I realized buttholes really aren’t that temperature sensitive. Even in the dead of winter, cold well water shot straight up the butthole doesn’t feel cold or shocking at all. Probably impossible to believe unless you try it yourself.
Also, don’t be a monster and dry your butthole with a towel. Just use a little bit of toilet paper so if you’re still dirty, it’s okay. It’s not like your whole rear-end gets soaked, it’s a very thin steam of water that targets just your butthole, with maybe a tiny bit of spray on the surrounding area
I’ve got one in my apartment unused. Our toilet’s a weird big moulded piece and I couldn’t get to the plastic bolts keeping the seat on…
Yeah, my last apartment had toilets that weren’t compatible. The supply hose going to the tank actually had a compression washer and went all the way through the tank before attaching to the valve. Like I couldn’t just unscrew the water hose from the bottom of the tank to tie in, because there wasn’t anything to unscrew. The hose just went straight through to the inside of the tank.
I’ve never seen anything like it before or since. It honestly had me baffled, and I was left settling for baby wipes until I could move into my current place. And you’d best bet that during my walkthrough for my current place, I checked the toilet to see if it would work with my bidet. The leasing agent looked at me like I was crazy when I dove behind the toilet, but it’s a new checkbox on my list.
Nope just water water. You get better at it and start to know how much time you have to spray before it’s all clean.
You’ve clearly never eaten Pringles.
Edit: I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to everyone who stumbled upon this comment and the thread that follows.
Are you-… Uhh… Are you using Pringles to wipe, in some sort of Three Shells system?
So, how do you bidet to squeaky clean without touching your shit covered asshole? I know Indian people run water down the small of their back with a pitcher and wash that way, with their hand. Then they wash their hand. I’d like to avoid getting shit on my hands.
When you’re using a bidet with the underseat nozzle, imagine you’re washing dog shit off the sidewalk, except you’re the sidewalk. You do the bidet dance - shimmy your butt side-to-side as you scoot back-to-front. Fiddle with the strength of the stream until you find what’s still comfortable, but strong enough to knock all the poop loose. The sprayer-and-hose style of bidet means you don’t have to shimmy, but you have to be a bit more careful where you aim it. Blot dry with TP. Some TP works better with a bidet because it doesn’t disintegrate as easily when wet.
Ok I know that I have to dry my pooper when it’s wet, I don’t know why I’m getting down voted it was a serious question, my candor is abrasive maybe? I just don’t see how you can wash your ass without touching it, and I’m looking for technique recommendations so I can use one of these things.
Using one just like op described for a year. No issues. I miss it now when I have to poop away from home.
Get with bidets, America!
That’s because I Google this question every day and reply to all of them.
