Transcription:
My lawyer just called and asked if I was ready for court tomorrow. Said hell, yeah, I ain’t goin’ see I been spending the last 6 months booby trapping my entire 500 acres. I got snake pits, rolling logs, bear traps, I got some straight up Indiana Jones shit. I got a fucking boulder that’ll fall down when you open my front door. 120 coyotes that I trained to bite anything with a crew cut and a badge. I flew an old Vietnamese man or here, he helped me dig about 12 miles worth of underground tunnels. I have 450 cameras. I’ve rigged the solar panels all around this motherfucker. I got a Bengal tiger locked in my fucking bathroom who’d kill for a pork chop right now. You know it’s surprisingly easy to teach a raccoon how to loosen log nuts and cut brake lines. If rather live the rest of my life in these woods living of fucking wild ginseng and creek water than go to fucking jail one more time. I don’t even try bringing no helicopters round here neither like I got a whole fucking coop of pigeons with c4 tied around their feets got a bunch of pvc pipe filled with gunpowder and ball bearings and a baboon who is deadly accurate with a nail gun.
