Share some activities youâve been interested in doing but couldnât do because youâre closeted.
Transmasc, Transfem, Nonbinary, and Gender Non-Conforming answers are all welcome and encouraged here.
I find that interesting because I really expected to wind up more butch than I did. I transitioned for the body and to be seen as a woman socially. I didnât even really start wearing makeup until I learned eyeshadow while recovering from bottom surgery.
Huh, did you mean to respond to a different comment? Sorry, Iâm just not sure how your story relates to mine. Iâm interested though! What got you interested in eyeshadow at that point, and what was that process like?
Personally I learned makeup before starting hormones, and it was crucial for the months of waiting for my first appointment. There were times I became suicidal where makeup legit helped me recover emotionally. But I wouldnât expect myself to be butch, Iâm a femme (even though Iâm not straight).
The differences between our initial approaches to our transness was interesting to me. Mine being âI may not even bother with anything beyond jeans and tshirts I just want a female body under itâ vs your wondering if hormones would be worthwhile and wanting them to enable you to be comfortable dressing feminine everywhere.
Iâd been interested in learning for a while but that was a period of about a month stuck at home with a huge financial burden finally lifted. And yeah I was in my process of accepting that Iâm a femme I wouldnât be taken any less seriously as a lesbian seeking badass vibes if I was a femme.
I had tried crossdressing for years before transitioning and itâd always only made me more dysphoric. The thing that made me embrace that I was trans was homemade breast forms. So to me a lot of makeup was also for a long while associated with that time period. I just wore eyeliner on special occasions.
Ah, I donât think weâre that different, maybe just the timing of things were a bit different.
I didnât take hormones to change my body, but rather on the possibility that it would help my mental health - wishing for a female body under the t-shirt and jeans was too much hoping for me, I think.
Meanwhile, once I socially transitioned, I felt going back to t-shirt and jeans was akin to going back in the closet, so I forced myself to stay femme so I would stay âoutâ. At first I really struggled with a femme identity and makeup, until I read Julia Serano and read about femmephobia and worked through the relationship between femininity and feminism. That really helped me feel like I could use makeup, and then I just saw it as a useful tool (rather than a betrayal towards women, which was basically how I felt before then about using makeup).
Crossdressing and anything feminizing also made me more dysphoric pre-transition, which I took to mean at the time that I wasnât trans, lol. My transition never had to do with my body or exploration that way - I struggled with being a man in the world, and I wished I could be a woman. My egg cracked when I was looking for resources to undo male socialization because I didnât like that I was acting as a man sometimes, and of course those resources were in the trans community and inevitably I found videos about whether youâre trans, and this video in particular about common excuses to avoid transitioning. The video so specifically applied to me and I had had those exact excuses, so I was sort of shocked to learn I really probably was trans, at least according to these videos. Previously I had only used the DSM-Vâs criteria for gender dysphoria to define trans-ness, and I didnât understand the shape dysphoria could take to recognize it. I actually accepted I was trans before I realized I had dysphoria or how bad it was.
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