Currently I am a uni student, working 4 days a week during the summer, moving to about 3 during term time.
Every day I’m not working I feel tired constantly, regardless of amount of sleep. I push through anyways to get the work that needs done finished, then sit down and just collapse basically. I wouldn’t even call it relax, just sit and switch off.
I don’t have any energy or motivation to play games anymore, even though I used to play avidly. I play guitar but it’s been feeling like I’m not getting as much out of it now…
Once I’m out of uni, I’ll be in full-time and, if I get into the industry I want, more mentally taxing work.
In short, is there something I’m missing here, or is work-eat-sleep-repeat all there is until I retire? Cause frankly I’m more sure I can be arsed if not…
EDIT
Thanks for the responses, I kinda posted this in a moment of hopelessness for life and I don’t really know what I wanted as a response.
Asking for the meaning of life? Lemmy’s great and all, but I don’t think I’ll find it here lmao
Regardless, there’s a few things here for me to look into and take further, so thank you again!
If this is to close for comfort for rule 3, feel free to delete mods
I was a chef for over a decade and worked in Michelin kitchens where I gave myself up for next to nothing. When I made it to two stars, I began vomiting repeatedly every shift, working at a loss of $100 dollars a day. Eventually, I broke down and tried to kill myself by the city river, but regrettably I failed.
If you live in America, all I can say is that if you are a man and you don’t work, and you are alone and have no one to support you, you will eventually be killed. If you aren’t killed on the street, you’re killed in lock up because it’s illegal to exist here without employment. Mental facilities funnel into jails where the bodies pass daily. At my city’s coroner’s, there are 400+ deaths unaccounted for, 100+ murders per year. I was sent there as a warning in California’s HAM program. I was forced to watch people die and watch their autopsies as well as tour the whole facility, examining all the corpses. All the corpses whose genitals have catheters in them are people who died with no one to claim them, their organs are placed in hefty bags which are then sewed haphazardly back into their torso. The working class bodies are all Mexican, all under 60.
When I was homeless, on two occasions people tried to murder me and they only stopped because they thought I was dead. My medical debt in my twenties reached over ten million from all the hospital stays. I’ve learned that there are fates WAY worse than death, and you should always have the materials for an exit bag or an LD of insulin. In our society, if you are an extremely poor man, your agency amounts to, “will I continue to suffer another day? Or will I do what everyone wants and liquidate myself.”
The reason I say all this is, when you don’t want to work, remember it’s not just money you lose but also the good will of others, including family members. The people you respect most put clown makeup on every day and freak out when you don’t. I know this because I made a small fortune on the gamespot/and squeezes and my fortunes literally changed overnight. The money literally solved all my problems and I’m left disgusted. It also showed me how hard I was working for so little. I know now I’d rather die fighting breathlessly, as I always have, fighting for myself and my life. My life in the street was FAR more meaningful than the ones I’ve lived according to cowardice, constantly learning to cope with cowardice. The bottom line: make sure you know you’re ready to leave the beaten path before you do because I promise you, life outside the social contract is indeed nasty, brutal and short.
God… I am sorry you gone through all that. And, it’s very brave of you to explain your life, difficulties, different situations and your perspective. Thank you. You really gave me an insight, I mean it.
While reading this, I thought about my perspective to life. I am in my early twenties and try to do different stuff to earn my life, pursue some kind of satisfaction. This makes me get tired every day, and consider killing myself constantly. Now, I don’t.
This summer I’ve gone through an emptiness, moneylessness. I agree, without money, I think about what to eat in the most economical way. That leads to more depression. Then every night I tried to find a purpose to not to kill myself and with this comment, it’s done. I accept a perspective to life now.
Seeing all successful people, whether successful since born (nice family, good looking, no major illness…) or by later (breaking the chain of poverty, being the best at one stuff…) people damn kill themselves or be in a depression either thisbor that way. This fucking possibility stays there.
Seeing this situation, I accept the life on it’s own. That’s it. Born, study, socialize, work, get lost. Again, with your comment, I rationalized my perspective. I am, really, now happy with who I am and know how to make it be that way. Do my business, and fuck it. There’ll be no miracles, there’s no one to help you be happier.
Thank you. I wonder how can I prove it but you really helped me. I needed some rationalization.
