Amateur! I haven’t stood up in so long my leg muscles have atrophied. I slowly have fused with my office chair. Obviously I never leave the building and only take 10 min micro naps as my body periodically shuts down, a weakest of my flesh. I chose to occupy one entire floor of the building as my productivity lair, which has been secretly blocked off from the everyone else to avoid distractions. I only enter other floors when most employees are gone for the day, usually late at night. Typically to double check their work or scavenge for food.

I scare most of my coworkers, I think I’ve become something of myth? They gave me a name, because I heard one scream “the Chairman is real!” as I startled him. He was working late that night as I creeped around his cubicle wall. Since I was famished, I quickly knocked him out with a keyboard and dragged him back to my lair for a quick power lunch.