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50 points

Fun fact:

The Bible says everyone goes to heaven at the same time. So I guess the souls just chill out until the rapture happens?

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13 points

heaven is not a place you go. it’s a state of you, your surroundings and the world. we create it not get taken to it. that’s the hard part people don’t get. NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE US, WE WILL NOT BE MAGICALLY TELEPORTED ANYWHERE

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3 points

As much as this sounds negative, the optimistic nihilist in me sees it as a beautiful liberating realization.

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2 points

it’s not negative. be in charge of your own destiny and stop giving hope to a false idea

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2 points

Of course I won’t be teleported, I’ll just slowly ascend into the sky, where the oxygen thins out, and I eventually freeze solid in the vacuum of space.

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2 points

space right

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14 points

The Bible says everyone goes to heaven at the same time.

I don’t think that’s clear in the text, and that’s historically been a major point of theological contention. I think the debate in the US 1800s over “soul sleep” and the affiliated quasi-cults that sprung up after the Millerite movement (Seventh Day Adventists, Jehovahs Witnesses) had very strong opinions on whether you go to heaven immediately, stay “asleep” in the ground until God starts resurrecting people, wait in some kind of cosmic waiting room for the resurrections, or if you are just flat out dead until God wakes you up. (Of course, JW’s are so committed to bad exegesis that they’ll die rather than receive a blood infusion, because “don’t eat animal blood” in the ritual purity laws of course means “don’t receive human blood infusions.”)

Think about Mormon baptism for the dead. Those people aren’t in heaven or hell (because at least the lower kingdoms of heaven aren’t even set up yet - all of us non-Mormons are going to be hanging out on Earth 2.0 when we die). Mormons are experts at genealogy because they’re trying to make sure that every great-great-great-great-grandparent they have gets a chance at salvation.

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1 point

hard pill to swallow but we get reincarnated over and over again there are no souls in the ground or “cosmic waiting room”. we are forced back until we “build heaven on earth”

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3 points

That might be your belief system, but it has little to do with the text of the Bible and historical/modern ideas of its interpretation.

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14 points

Yeah, they hadn’t figured out relativity yet back then. The soul departs the body at the speed of light, meaning everyone who does reaches heaven instantly. Since it’s so far away, from our perspective, it takes essentially forever thanks to time dilation.

You can trust me, I have a PhD in bullshit.

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4 points

A plain reading suggests that everyone is dead and stays that way until the eschaton when they’re resurrected. So the only people in heaven would be the Jewish souls that Jesus directly put there that had been dwelling in the gloomy underground afterlife.

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13 points

Yes, that’s what purgatory is for, it’s basically a waiting room before heaven

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8 points

I think that’s the Dispensationalist view, but I’m not sure how much of that is explicitly supported by Biblical text. Someone could correct me if I’m wrong.

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1 point

The lines are going to be terrible.

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1 point

Another fun fact, there are no Pearly Gates in the Bible.

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4 points

John of Patmos would like a word with you:

And the twelve gates were twelve pearls; every several gate was of one pearl: and the street of the city was pure gold, as it were transparent glass.

  • Revelation 21:21, KJV

Here’s the full chapter for context. There may be some room for arguing whether the “new Jerusalem” is Heaven. But since it’s pretty clear that God lives there, I think it fulfills the same general purpose.

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