I have read about shutdowns and meltdowns. But I don’t actually get what that looks like in real time.
What I understand is that meltdowns is when someone loses control of their emotions.
Shutdowns are when someone loses the ability to perform certain functions, e.g. the ability to speak.
I was wondering if someone could give a more explicit example, of what that actually looks like?
For me, a shutdown is when I stop cataloging the complex bits of what I’m perceiving and just go ‘listening to this is now unpleasant and I don’t want to subject myself to any more of this’. I might smile mechanically or emit encouraging ‘hmm’ noises, but I am on autopilot, you’re not going to be getting my higher brain functions applied to whatever you’re talking about, if I remember what you said it’s going to be as factual ‘this person said such and such’ memories that I have to actively recall instead of actual opinions on what you said that will already be integrated into our next conversation, and I will dither on the far end of human interaction range trying to figure out if I can flee ‘right now’ without being impolite.
A meltdown… I get those, but I am experienced at calming myself down, so they’re basically ‘flashes’. Every so often, I will have a flash of… absolute, raging frustration at something. Like (as an example that actually happened to me recently) failing to pick up my water bottle twice after dropping it by accident. The first fumbling was an accident, they happen, they’re natural, I’m totally fine with that, I don’t even give it thought, I just go to pick it back up on reflex. The second fumble/first failure, I’m like, oops, better actually give this attention, I’ll be more careful the third time. Third fumble/second failure, my reaction is “REEEE I CAN’T PICK THIS THING UP! WHAT I JUST DID SHOULD HAVE PICKED IT UP! THIS SHOULD NOT BE!!!” (In internal monologue, not audible screaming. If it’s audible, they’re closer to the severe end of the spectrum.) And then I have to take in a deep breath through my nose and let it out slowly (and yes, I have surprised myself by actually making the ‘reeee’ sound effect while doing this) so that I can be PRECISE and DELIBERATE about picking the water bottle back up. This will then be followed by a temporary shutdown because I have just blown a fuse on my emotional centers.
The common point is, I feel, that they’re both reactions to something anathema, sort of. A shutdown is passive avoidance, a meltdown is active rejection.
Oh damn, I can actually relate to those but never associated them to showdowns and meltdowns. Similarly, I do sometimes get an irrationally insane rage about stuff that really is not that rage-inducing in the first place, I get close to hitting or breaking stuff… I don’t remember having those as a child tho and only remember it in the last few years. Maybe I am not autistic eh! (I am)
