So, uh. Hi <All>.

This is gonna seem a little out of character and I won’t blame you for feeling a little out of sorts about this whole thing… but I’ve been compromised by a master haxxor from the dark webz and I need to get out in front of this.

Please find enclosed a portfolio of photographs in .pdf and zip archive, mostly comprised of my dick ‘n balls.

ps. Sorry, Gram-gam. I made bad choices.

pps. Kevin, I’d understand if you’d prefer I didn’t come into work on Monday.

What Would France Do? Can’t go wrong.

Yeah, but we live in the era of all powerful AI! A mere blur filter won’t deter the techno ninjas amogus!

See?!