Saturn is a hexagon, it just spins so fast that it looks round from the side. The rings are speed lines.

Uranus and Neptune are two hemispheres, they were once joined at the edge like a buttocks.

Mars is a concave mirror-shape. Mercury is just the reflection of the sun bouncing off Mars and hitting stellar swamp gas that floats near the Sun’s tip.

Venus is the only actual sphere, it’s just not a planet. It’s a death star. That’s why the surface is so hostile, to deter hijackers.

True. Have you seen world maps? They’re rectangular. And it’s mathematically impossible to make a isometric map between a rectangle and a sphere, so therefore it must be cylindrical