So I met this girl by chance and we really hit it off, once I learned of her age I decided to just be friends as I think that 19 to 25 is an age were we mature a lot and I remember myself as a 19yo and I was not mature enough to be a good partner and to be good to myself.
I talked to a female friend of mine and she said that I’m over thinking it and that I should ask her out and be open minded, and so I did and we are going on a date soon.
The thing is, she seems really mature but I can’t put aside the age gap.
Am I over thinking it? Should I really just take it slow and just be vigilant about the situation and notice if this isn’t healthy for me or her?
Or should I let her down easy and continue as friends?
Update: We went on a date and it was great, I read all of the comments and there were some really good advices that I took to heart. I will take things slow and try to be as aware of the situation as possible. I hope it will go well :)
Thank you everyone!
I’m talking about general perception. Respecting people as individuals doesn’t protect you from being seen as a creep, plus you’re arguing for looser restrictions. I encourage you to try the math on that.
I’m perfectly happy with our societies coming to consensus on a general age where one is considered capable of making their own decisions, in this scenario particularly sexually and romantically. I think the age range between 16 and 18 that we have decided on in various western societies sounds reasonable. Our laws respect our autonomy from that point on, yet somehow society is starting to not do that and I don’t think that’s a good thing, or really very genuine either.
As far as perception, I have a philosophy of not giving a single fuck about perception. People that judge me aren’t going to live my life for me, they’re not going to come into my life and make me happy, so fuck their opinions. If I’m 40 and find love and happiness with an 18 year old and they don’t like it they can kiss my ass.
So are you okay with 18 and 60? 19 and 70?
The larger the maturity gap, the greater the potential for abuse. The rule that I suggested keeps that gap narrow while allowing for accumulated experience.
I don’t give a fuck what you do, but it’s not a stupid guide.
100% OK with it, yes. We either respect someone’s decisions or we don’t. If we decide “someone is free to do what they want when they’re 18” then that’s that. If that’s what they choose to do then it’s none of my business.
There are plenty of abusive, coercive and controlling relationships between people of the same age range. There are plenty of 40 year old women getting mistreated in new relationships. If a 19 year old is with a 70 year old, I doubt there’s some power dynamic there, most likely the woman is selling herself in a situation like that for a big payday, which is her choice. There are way less 70 year olds controlling their 18 year old girlfriends than there are 32 year olds doing it to their 30 year old girlfriends. It would seem age is not a good heuristic when trying to determine whether abuse is occurring, when it comes to adults at least.
