And what do you actually use? I know the answer is probably self-hosting but maybe there are other solutions for a decent privacy.
Certified email would solve this, if it was possible to self host it.
Unfortunately running it requires government approval and the resulting emails are legally binding, so I assume hosts will have to go through all kinds of security controls and audits.
I think that misses the point. Emails are kind of antithetical to transient and private communications. People are much better off using a generally respectful service that doesn’t scan their mail for normal use and turn to better tools like Signal (which require both receivers to use an agreed-upon/enforced and privacy-focused infrastructure) or any other messenger with disappearing chats that limits metadata retention.