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115 points

“I’m perfectly happy in my large, quiet office, sitting in my $2000 executive chair in front of my mahogany desk and using my private executive bathroom. I don’t know what these people on the fourth floor are complaining about. We give them cubicles and a ping-pong table (do not use during work hours), don’t we?”

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44 points

Cubicles? In this economy?

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29 points

Cubicles break things up. To maximize synergy we need an open floor plan so everyone can hear and see everyone else.

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22 points

I’ve never been so angry reading something I had to go through at 3 different jobs.

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4 points
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To maximize efficiency we cannot have the cubicle walls potentially blocking the path of the farts and sneezes they must all breathe in. Every fart and sneeze must be fully breathed in by staff to cut down on cleaning costs!

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19 points

Now they’re all about open floor plans for collaboration (read: for squeezing more people in the same space).

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6 points

Worked at 3 of them that did that. Worst working environmentsever. Current one is experimenting with it, but I’m WFH all the time so I just made it known I never want that.

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7 points

Sometimes you have to give them a little extra to make them more productive. It’s okay, we found a loophole in accounting so it’s a write-off.

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12 points

Having done cleaning in offices such as these for at least one of the top companies in the world, I fail to see why even this sort of office is all that compelling. Look, a miniature golf statue…

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11 points

They’re not compelling to you and I. They’re a way to show fellow executives how powerful you are. A huge office with expensive furniture means you’re important.

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4 points

Gotta gather in a room to compare business cards like they do in American Psycho or it just isn’t businessing!

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7 points

And we had our yearly cook out last month!

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