Time to roast literally everyone.
Canadians: milk in bags? Really? I’d rather drink raw maple syrup than do this.
Muricans: the imperial measurement system is just too confusing for everyone but them (and the Liberians and Burmese as well). Also, their patriotism is just plain weird.
Spaniards: fast talking. Quiero apprender Español, but it’s just so difficult to practice when you’re basically the conversation equivalent of Eminem. Also, they like speaking with a lisp. I don’t know if I can say the same for Latin Americans, but their Spanish is even weirder.
French: the strikes. That alone makes me mad.
Dutch: they. Love. Orange. Also, if you try to speak their language, and you make one small mistake, they immediately switch to speaking English. Bro, I never asked for this. Also, the breakfast is garbage.
Italians: is speaking with your hands considered weird to you? You might as well teach everyone sign language instead of Italian. Not even the Sanmarinese do this.
Austrians: Vienna has some ridiculously different to remember coats of arms. Why do you even need this?
Germans: it’s very boring in here. I apparently have no taste in you guys. And my cousin is half German as well.
Belarusians: they still can’t get rid of Lukashenko.
Danes: they’re speaking Swedish with an apple in their mouth. Try saying “Rødøvre”.
Finns: following this year’s Eurovision, I noticed that they’re suddenly obsessed with neon green. I mean, their entry in the contest was really good, but it’s not like it’s worth idolizing.
Russians: it’s their Holodets that’s bad. And maybe their extreme nationalism, but I blame their government for this.
Swedes: they’re responsible for Ikea, PewDiePie, Minecraft, Spotify (also known as rubbish), wacky television presenters, a flag that looks cool as hell, what more can I say? Only Spotify coming from here annoys me. Because it’s terrible (if you use Spotify, I don’t hate you, and you’re free to keep using it, I just hate it). Also, I kinda like Loreen.
Swiss: everything is expensive here. Also, Zürich, Geneva and Luganno all speak different languages. Weird. But I guess their chocolate is good?
Belgians: they hate the French, they hate the Dutch, and they’re so mixed in culture and ethnicity that they’re actually my favorite country. It’s just their tendency to also hate each other that I kinda hate.
Luxembourgers: the fact that they’re called that. It sounds like food.
Greeks: corruption
Turks: that Erdogan guy
Hungarians: their impossible language. Also, they made a toy that I still can’t solve.
Estonians: the fact that nobody can make a flag as good as theirs, I’m basically jealous. And maybe their language as well.
Ukrainians: probably nothing.
Serbs: how do you write a language with two different scripts? Isn’t that confusing for you guys?
Moldovans: they’re not Romanians.
Czechs: their country name.
Portuguese: they’re probably too good at English. How is that even possible? Brazil speaks the same native language as Portugal, and they couldn’t even do this. I’m actually jelly again.
Liechtensteiners: their country is basically a 1 million star hotel.
Lithuanians: are they all called Monika? I hope not.
Andorrans: get a proper government, mate.
Slovaks and Slovenes: I still don’t know the difference between Slovenčina and Slovenščina.
Cypriots: guys, look. It’s the bilingual island that relies on the UN to prevent warfare.
Maltese: they’re basically the European clones of Arabs, except for the fact that they’re way better.
Irish: you guys literally neglect your own national language. And the language you do speak for the most part… is spoken with an impossible to understand accent.
British: they hate each other, their food is garbage, their weather is pretty bad, they left the EU, I still can’t understand you guys. The roadmen especially are just… ugh.
Romanians: they’re not Moldovans.
Montenegrins: who even are those guys?
Polish: they speak gibberish.
Latvians: what are those? I only know Lettonians.
Bosniaks AND Herzegovines (idk what to call them): I can’t tell the difference between the two. Also, there are Serbs that are trying to cut their country in half.
Macedonians: yes, the people from Greek Macedonia are included. What am I supposed to say about these guys?
Monegasques: no tax? I’m jealous once again.
Croats: my mom bought a tractor.
Sanmarinese: they’re surprisingly able to keep their current gov for SO LONG. But their football team doesn’t know what they’re doing.
Icelanders: you liars, there’s too little ice in here.
Georgians: gvprtskvni
Norwegians: two different writing standards? Why do you guys need two of them? Also, their language is so adaptable that you can speak your own way, and lie about being from a different part of Norway.
Armenians: their computers will most likely get viruses.
Azeris: thanks for destroying a bunch of homes back in 2012.
Vaticaners: absolutely nothing.
Australians: these guys abbreviate every single word in the English language to the point of insanity sometimes. Also, why is the word "c**t* usef so frequently here?
Albanians: they’re drunk Turks. And that’s in a good way.
Israelis: you guys are okay with letting your gov destroy the hell out of Palestine? I’m seriously tired of all this fighting. Just make peace with them already.
Moroccans: I’m one of them btw. I love how we pretend that we’re patriotic, yet we complain about literally everything in the country. Because we are indeed really bad. You’ll see this as soon as come across a Moroccan in Europe. And why are we in Eurovision? How have I never gotten any answers to this?
There. I just wasted your time by making you offended. Now go hit that downvote button. (Edit: you clearly did the exact opposite of what I said)
