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33 points

Tech companies have said scanning messages and end-to-end encryption are fundamentally incompatible.

That’s not a given. Imagine messaging is like you trying to pass a note to a classmate in school. End-to-end encryption is like using a cypher based on your friend’s social security number, crumpling up the note, and then shoving the note up Tommy’s ass for them to deliver it to your buddy. Pretty standard note-passing stuff.

Adding the ability for the government to scan your messages is like being that kid who can’t write without mouthing or whispering what you’re writing. Then the teacher says “got it! Don’t worry, I definitely definitely won’t discuss this in the beak room with the other teachers!” And then gives you a big reassuring wink and a smile while you shove the note up Tommy’s ass.

See how everyone gets to have fun in the second scenario? The best part is knowing that no teacher ever has ever done anything bad. The end.

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9 points

Why must you shove things up my ass? Please stop. I am in pain.

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7 points

Sounds like a skill issue

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3 points

Add more RAM.

Oh, wait…

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8 points

I have no idea what your point was but I’m still laughing.

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