Speaking as a straight cis male who’s on the verge of asexuality, it’s been incredibly difficult and oftentimes alienating having discussions of sexuality and sexual insecurities with my other cis male friends because a lot of the discussion tends to veer into vulgarity or jesting. Then there’s the conversations you have with your partners and sometimes some of those partners implying that you’re not ‘man enough’, etc.
I understand that a lot of this is due to toxic masculinity but I’ve gotta say, it’s been pretty tough.
Talking about serious emotional issues or relationship problems with other men is pretty much uniformly crap. Most men are conditioned to not open up, or prefer immature viewpoints about all of that - or are just immature and crude and actually think various stupid and abusive things about women. Unfortunately some women actually prefer that.
Decent question really. I guess I was saying that while it’s been disappointing for me, it’s considered desirable and a good attitude by some people.
Yeah, I hate how girls will be disgusted when it’s somehow suggested you’d want to have sex with them, while at the same time, I don’t feel like I’m even supposed to have an opinion.
It’s like, I’m a man, not in a relationship, not gay and not good at pretending I’ve never heard of sexuality, so if I don’t want to have sex with a girl, that must mean I find her extremely ugly.
“Whatever… stop talking to me. You clearly just want to get into my pants. What?!? You DON’T want to sleep with me? Why the eff not?! Am I not good enough for you? Not pretty enough?!”
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
I married my highschool girlfriend, so I’m definitely not in the know about the dating scene… but this sounds very incel-y to me.
If you’re objectively getting this kind of response, it may be that you’re pursuing the wrong type of person, or you should work on your approach. Every person is an individual, you gotta treat each person as an individual.
Not if you are old enough. The only nice part about being in my early 40s is that when I tell someone that, “yes, I’m that picky/shallow,” they seem to just accept it and move on. I’m old enough that when I tell someone “this is the bare minimum that I expect,” they accept that and move on.
The only strange part for me at this point is that the bare minimum I expect is that you a) are able to take care of your own needs, just as I do, b) are keeping up with your exercise routine, and will be willing to help both of us in pushing each other to better heights, and c) you aren’t vapid, and can actually hold a conversation. I’m not interested in being your professor/father/educator exclusively. I want to challenge you, just as much as you challenge me.
Literally every potential partner I have met cannot fulfill these, IMHO, pretty basic requirements. The only real benefit of being this shallow/picky is that now people finally respect my choices.
I mean, it may depend on the context, but I think it’s pretty reasonable to feel uncomfortable if it’s apparent that someone is thinking about having sex with you while you’re just trying to have a conversation.
I’m not at all trying to say that I don’t think that’s reasonable. I’m complaining that I don’t feel like I have an influence on the matter.
Sometimes, you accidentally say something with a double meaning that can be interpreted sexually and it’s the girl who points that out and then assumes you’re thinking perverted things, because she’s been told anyone with a penis does that all the time.
I am annoyed by that, because I’m a big fan of girls and don’t want to convey that they’re just meat to entertain my sexuality. If you’re reading me as a tone-deaf pervert, that will not make sense.
It’s cool my man, just find a partner with a similar sex drive or be open to atypical relationships. My wife has a fairly low sex drive, and mine’s not crazy but the disparity can be rough.
There’s almost certainly groups of people who feel like you do online, so if you want to, I’m sure you can find a place that feels super accepting.
But yeah, toxic masculinity/patriarchy is a bitch.
As an asexual male, I totally understand where you are coming from.
I generally don’t talk about anything like that with other men of any stripe. I have a few very understanding female friends who don’t judge and even then when I talk about it, it feels like I’m handing them a burden.
