I’ve been on a slow but steady decline for the past several years. I don’t move at all, barely leaving my room let alone the house; I’ve taken to eating shit I order out instead of cooking meals myself; I don’t get involved with any local orgs besides sending dues every month; I haven’t read a book in months; I regularly fail to perform bare minimum hygiene. The only reason I’m able to keep alive at all is because I haven’t moved out of my parents’ house, burdening them with helping me. It would be understandable if I was living hand to mouth and had barely any free time, but I am one of the small percent of burgers who isn’t a month away from destitution and I have more than enough free time. Not to mention I receive no shortage of help.
Since I can’t blame my material circumstances, I can only conclude that I am this way because I always refuse to take personal responsibility. I know that changing myself so that I can be, at bare minimum, not a drain on society is going to take a lot of work, work that I always put off due to cowardice. Idealist as it is, I feel like I have some innate metaphysical trait that makes me this way, and the entirety of my failure to pick myself up is due to a moral failing on my part and nothing more.
How do I force myself to unfuck myself so that I can actually be useful for revolution instead of yet another useless first world lotus eater?
Start extremely small. And I mean extremely. You can find motivation to do five push ups today, 100%. It might suck, but you can do it.
After you’ve accomplished those you’re not allowed to feel like “I could’ve done more, that was nothing”. You’re the fucking hero of today. What an accomplishment.
Tomorrow you do another five, repeat that for a week if you can, perhaps even a month. Some day you might feel like “eh, I can do 10 today”. Then you do that. If not, you don’t.
After a while you might feel like “Maybe I can do a very short slow walk today”. Then you do that. And if that never happens, you don’t. But perhaps instead you feel like “damn, I’m a person who have done push ups every day for 10 days. That person can akso brush his/her teeth every night”. Then you do that.
Perhaps you feel like that person can have a genuine conversation with their parents for five minutes listening to their day. Now you’re suddenly that person as well. You know what more that person does? Helps out with cooking once a week.
Small good habits, that you credit yourself for, can help build other great habits. And even if they don’t, and you just manage to do those 5 push ups a day. Well, that person beats one who doesn’t!
Edit: Push ups can be substituted for basically anything. Sit ups, burpees, talking a short walk inside your room, meditating, you name it. Anything that’s quick, and “good” for you. That you need to push yourself to do.
