First, I am a late diagnosis, so if some of my terminology is offensive please tell me, assimilation is hard.
On the the point, I have been noticing a pattern, I am in a number of allistic or mixed groups, online or in meetup type spaces. I am trying to expand my social circle, and I have nearly always been alone.
Is it typical amongst nurotypical people to respond to a question with need for information questions and then, when they realize that (and I don’t know which) they’re not interested or they can’t help they just move on, not explain that they can’t help or aren’t interested?
If you’re not hurting anyone with what you do (at least not intentionally and when you realze you do, you stop),
I am sure you have heard this, and it has been misattributed so many times I am not sure who to credit but: “The right to swing your fist ends at my nose.”
That was always the struggle for me, that part of my brain was never there I had to learn to fake having it so I could “fit in” and not get beat up, or worse (but there was still worse) but that act is exhausting. I don’t want to have to act anymore, at all, but if I don’t not even my mom wants anything to do with me.
Well, to be honest, I have never started a fight but I’ve never backed away from one either (ok, on rare occasions and only if ending up in a hospital with something broken was a real possibility, considering the size and strength of the oponent 🤣). That being said, once you actually engage with bullies and they see that you fight back, they back off. The point of bulling is the victim to always be a victim and no harm comes the bully’s way. Once the bully sees that he can get hurt, even if the chances are not that great, they back off. I think this is mostly because of 2 reasons. One, they fear actually losing and this is witnessed by others, which will make them feel like a loser in front of the others. Two, they enjoy the act of bulling, not actually doing what they say they’re gonna do (beat you up)… and even if they do, they don’t actually want fists thrown their way, so if you do throw them, they have to evade them or take them, which is not something they are particularly fond of, even if they say or appear to be. If they enjoy just fighting or beating up people/animals for the heck of it, they have deep seeded trauma. Stay away from them at all costs. Engage (fight) if you have to, but just to get them off your back… and don’t hurt them too much, cuz they’re probably vindictive as well, might hold a grudge for years and do something really bad to you in the years to come.
Regarding your mother… I really have no advice to give there… but I can tell you 1 thing… I love my child more than life itself, there isn’t a thing I wouldn’t do for him. Also, I accept him for who he is, not who I want him to be. If your mother doesn’t want anything to do with you, so be it… she’s your mother, the woman that gave life to you, ao she should always be respected. But, if she doesn’t want to have anything to do with you, why would you want to persue that relationship 🤷? It seems pointless to me. Unless she’s just trying to give you good advice, make some suggestions on how you could better yourself in certain situations (even if that does go against who you are, you have to do it from time to time, I do as well 🤷), but only frowns upon you for you being who you are, wthout actually listening to what you have to say or trying to help you… no, I really can’t see a point in persuing that relationship or caring about what my mother thinks of me… sorry, but that’s my 2 cents.
