Socializing ain’t worth it anyway. Lot of work for absolutely no result. I guess thats my curse.
Luckily I’m good at self-entertainment. I thrive in solitariness. Introvert to my bones. Still, would have been nice to have someone to be alone together with sometimes.
I don’t mind being alone for the most part, I have a lot of things I want to do and those activities are (mostly) solitary. Still, there are certain things that I crave others for. I want to go out, to concerts, party, travel, have a good time, and I want to do that with others. I feel like I used to handle loneliness in a better way, but now I’m just feeling depressed and slightly suicidal over it. And I don’t know how to fix it…
Traveling alone, with only last-minute planning, is great though. Eating at restaurants alone in a different country without having to wait for someone, or visit parks without having to follow someone.
And depression can be medicated. And I refuse to let my own happiness be dependent upon someone else, I once decided. Other than that, I got no idea how to fix it either. Would love to be able to see myself as others see me so that I can correct whatever I’m doing wrong.
I’ve just barely gotten over my agoraphobia to get a shit min wage job, so traveling will be out of the questions for a while. Even if I had the money, I can’t see myself enjoying going somewhere by myself. I’d be scared of getting robbed and raped on top of being terrified of going outside and dealing with people. I just don’t want to do things by myself anymore.
Eh, medication won’t remove the depression, mostly it just levels off your mood. Sure, you won’t feel so sad anymore, but you won’t feel the high highs either. I don’t think being lonely and missing having people to share your life with makes you dependent on other people, we’re social animals after all and we all have a need for socialization, attention, intimacy, etc. Those are basic needs, just like hydration and sleep.
For me it’s not so much the solitude I enjoy. Many people seem to feel like being alone is the worst thing and being with anyone else is better than that. I feel like there are many people who being with is worse than being alone. I enjoy my own company. That’s the bar one needs to reach for me to want to hang with them.