sounds like you are saying the joke is for yourself. that’s a fine answer why be so defensive. i do jokes for myself all the time.

The point of the original comment is that there is no such thing as “unsafe” in an objective way. Unless it’s like a meat cleaver or something.

So to discuss this joke. keeping it humorous.

• absorption of caffeine and other misc ingredients thru the rectum — i have little insight here. i do know that some substances which are normally ok consumed orally are adsorbed differently (unpredictably, dangerously or not at all) this way because they don’t get filtered by liver and other organs. you will have to find out about it.

• carrier fluids - you should try just plain jane lemonaid first as a prototype. sounds like something that would tend to irritate. start in the bathroom. or the backyard.

• method of insertion - this can be done in smart or stupid ways

Various other logistics… i feel that you are a total novice who will likely have an uncomfortable experience.

Don’t do this if you have roommates; it will annoy everyone.

if you wish to have fluid in your rectum just start with a small amount of water. the rest is just chaos.