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156 points

Unethical life pro tip: want to kill yourself but left something for your family? Buy a life insurance policy, call the suicide prevention hotline and wait for the cops to kill you. Isn’t technically suicide, so the life insurer can’t deny your family claim!!

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7 points

Or pay off the corner to list your death as natural causes or something.

Like my uncle did.

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2 points

What does that mean?

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3 points

probably to pay sb in advance to falsify the death certificate

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5 points

Auto correct got me again. Coroner.

For those that are genuinely confused, there’s two very important things you must know. The coroner is the job title for the guy who writes up what caused you to die. They do things like autopsies (when required), and they’re basically a doctor for dead people.

The other thing is the English idiom of “paying [someone] off”, which is basically a common way to not so subtley say that you’re bribing them.

So in plain language: there is an extremely good chance that my uncle bribed the coroner to ignore whatever he found on my uncle when he died and say he perished from natural causes. This normally implies something about self deletion and insurance, since insurance basically never pays out if you die by your own hands.

Is anyone still confused? Please let me know if you are and I can address any part of this that might not be crystal clear.

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44 points

You think the cops wouldn’t mark as a suicide?

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2 points

It’s called “Gettin’ the job done!”

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30 points

Cops will still claim it was suicide-by-cop. Which is some top-tier copaganda, because it’s just another way of them saying “if you call us while in distress, there’s a good chance we’ll kill you then blame you for it.”

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17 points

At least in Canada life insurance will still cover you committing suicide, but it has to occur 1-2 years after your plan starts.

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9 points

Same with my policy in the US. Already have it seasoned past the mark, so I joke with my wife that I can make her a millionaire.

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1 point

Suicide by cop is a real thing.

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1 point

In all seriousness does the insurance still pay it if it’s suicide by cop?

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1 point

It was suicide. Claim denied!

But he had a heart attack.

We have a receipt that shows he ate McDonald’s 3 years ago. This is clearly suicide by food.

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1 point

Probably not, most insurers love to have every possible exception in the contract (e.g. taking part in illegal activity), to get out of payment

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5 points

I kinda legit want to check the conditions of my current life insurance policies regarding suicide. Not because I want to off myself today, but because I do want to off myself if I get the stage four diagnosis or some such thing.

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5 points

Usually, after 2 years suicide is covered.

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13 points

Insurance companies hate this new easy trick.

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