I need to vent. Mods, if this kind of thing isnโt welcome in this community anymoreโฆoh well. It helped me feel better at least typing my thoughts into the void.
I got married to a wonderful, beautiful woman in 2021 after being together for 5 years. My parents are big cruise fanatics. They go on vacation like this about once every year or two. We both told them before the wedding - because they did this for my brother when he got married - they can get us whatever they want for a wedding gift, just PLEASE no cruises.
And they listened! We got some very nice, very expensive bedsheets that were perfect!
Fast forward a year. I get a call. My parents booked a 4 day cruise to Mexico over the week after Christmas '23. Iโm not particularly assertive, but I was offering pushback on it. I got told shit like โyouโre getting a free vacationโ and โhow many opportunities like this are you going to getโ and โwe tried our best to accommodate you.โ
My wife also didnโt want it. Neither of us asked for this. But after a few months of talking about it, both of us agreed: itโs free, letโs give it a fair shake.
Fair shake given. We tried our best to like this. Iโm writing this from my cabin docked at Cozumel. We deboarded the ship for 15 minutes and were immediately overwhelmed by the crowd. We turned around, went back to our cabin and are now sleeping the day away. Maybe weโll hit up the hot tub before everybody comes back. The crowd is too much. The longer I spend on this gargantuan vessel, the smaller it gets.
My brother, his wife, and their two small kids are also here. I think theyโre also pretty exhausted. It seems like my parents have gone out of their way to spend time with that foursome. As for me, I only get notifications once theyโre already somewhere and I have to catch up. I got a message saying โWeโre at Senor Frogs.โ I did not get โWeโre going to Senor Frogs. Wanna meet up?โ
I feel like a piece of shit for not appreciating it. I feel invisible because I didnโt ask for this. And I feel angry because I feel like an afterthought. I feel like I got invited to this because my parents wanted to spend a week with my brotherโs kids and I was given a ticket to tag along so I wouldnโt feel left out. I wouldnโt have felt left out by not being invited to something I didnโt want. I wouldnโt feel left out if I had been given the opportunity to say no.
Iโm just burnt tf out. I want my house. With my quarter acre. And my neighbor with the stupid subwoofer. I want my bed (that doesnโt rock because itโs on solid ground), my cats, my dog, my plaid pajamas, my cold weather, and my coffee back at home in Oklahoma. I would have rather stayed home and built puzzles with my (also puzzle-loving) wife for a week. We are slow-paced, solitary, almost antisocial creatures. Iโm wired differently from my family. And though I feel guilty for being unappreciative of their gesture, I wonโt feel ashamed of being different. I didnโt ask to be this way.
Anyway, if youโve made it this far, thanks for reading my rant. Iโm done. We shove off back for the States in an hour or so. Weโre over the hill. Weโll be home soon, and I will never do this again.
Have you ever been tested for autism?
Yes, 15+ years ago. The doctor said I had Aspergerโs. I said bullshit, test me. Got tested. No Aspergerโs. But honest to goodness, I fully believe I am on the spectrum. But Iโm not going around saying I am without a proper diagnosis.
Digging in my heels is something Iโm working on. I have a really hard time saying no and sticking with it because of trauma.