I think you’re misinterpreting their point. Saying someone is gay isn’t an insult unless you mean it to be.

If you say that your homosexual friend is gay, that’s not bigotry. Because well they are gay, plus there’s nothing wrong with being gay. But if you say someone is gay just because they do something you dislike that is. Because you’ve used it as a negative term.

Edit: because the other guy is being a tool, I’m changing my example.

Let’s put it this way: Can I say “my cousin is gay”? Or is that offensive? Keep in mind he is a man with a husband, they are both homosexual or whatever term you want to use because apparently I can’t describe them as “gay.”

Who said insulting? My friend is trying out for drag race so I’m supporting them.

You’re being the bigot here.

A: Bigotry is always wrong and we are expected to try to improve ourselves.
B: Some folk’s mileage may vary.
C: Some feel it is OK because they shall suffer no significant push back. Exactly like certain folks that mispronounced the name of a certain country in West Africa and applied to anyone visually similar in tone to the folks that were provided “Involuntary Lifelong Unpaid Internships” from said country, felt fine using it.

That’s not what they said though. They were clearly meaning that tone and context are the difference between “my sister is gay” [neutral], “my sister is gay” [negative], and even “my sister is gay” [positive].

“The wedding i went to last weekend was gay” could mean two people of the same gender got married or it could mean that someone is mad that a man dressed nice and was involved in the planning of his wedding and you can usually tell based on tone.