Ok dude, you do you.

Not all bacteria are bad and there are big differences between mouth flora and butthole flora. That handwashing stops getting stuff into your eyes and mouth is exactly what I say, so thanks for confirming that. By doing that you prevent anything (or most of it) that comes from your shit to get into your mouth. But you still got bacteria there, just not the shit-kind.

If you don’t want to accept that, fine.