Why does nobody agree on this crap?!
Because language isn’t precise.
According to others, there IS a distinction between transgender and transsex. But you’re telling me there isn’t…
People are free to describe themselves how they want.
I swear to god I’m trying to understand…
That’s great, but understanding and trying to logically define and categorize are different things. What does it really matter to you whether someone prefers one term or another?
someone bitches at me for being ignorant and apparently not understanding…
I think your problem might be what I posted. Understanding doesn’t necessarily mean categorizing. If someone told you they were raped, would you need to ask them if there was penile and vaginal penetration? And if there wasn’t, would you try to tell them that they weren’t actually raped? Or what about if someone is blind, if they can see light and shadows but aren’t 100% blind, would you try to tell them they weren’t?
It’s kind of the same idea here. There’s no neat categorizations. Understanding is more like empathizing. And I guarantee no one will bitch if you do your best to just treat someone how they appear to present, and then adjust if they tell you you’re wrong. If you see someone wearing a dress with long hair, it’s a very good bet you can refer to them as “she”. It doesn’t mean you should catcall them, or ask them why they aren’t at home in the kitchen, or assume any sexist gender roles. But you DO treat women different from men in society, even if it’s ONLY by the pronouns you use. Simply do the same for someone who is attempting to present as feminine unless you’re told otherwise. You might be wrong, but only the absolute biggest assholes in the world would be offended at your attempt.
But whether that person has decided to have surgery doesn’t really matter. The same way it wouldn’t matter if a cis woman had a this condition https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/vaginal-agenesis/symptoms-causes/syc-20355737 and you tried to lawyer her saying she wasn’t a woman.
You said:
But no, transSex isn’t a thing.
But…it is. Language isn’t precise, certainly, but it’s not that “fuzzy” either. And it certainly exists to define things in order to better understand them. You can’t just hand-wave away with an “it’s complicated”. Yes, some of the most complex topics in the world are complicated, but we’ve still managed to define them in clean, understandable ways.
I think this is the major hurdle for acceptance. If something can be understood, then it can be described. If it can be described, it can be taught. If it can be taught, it can be accepted. Approaching someone who would be willing to accept - without being able to give a real answer - relies on them having faith - much like religion - instead of understanding.
But…it is. Language isn’t precise
Sure, maybe I was being too strong there by saying it’s not a thing. People do use it. But I would be cautious of using it yourself unless someone tells you specifically that they want to be referred that way.
Approaching someone who would be willing to accept - without being able to give a real answer - relies on them having faith
It really doesn’t. It relies on them not being an asshole. And not making generalizations. The intricacies don’t matter on a day to day level of interacting with people who you’re not intimately familiar with. Treat them as you would any other person of the gender that they’re presenting as. That’s literally all there is to it. Anything more is personal preference to the individual, just like it would be for any non trans person. Do you need to understand the intricacies of tomboy vs butch to interact with a woman wearing pants? No? Then you don’t need the same level of detail for trans people either.