To be more specific, my parents raised my siblings and me to “respect” them, saying "yes sir, and “no ma’am” to everything they said. Spankings, all of that. Typical super conservative evangelical parents. Before I learned better, I was that way too. I went to college and since then have embraced the left more and more.
They’ll say things now and then that are really distasteful politically. Today I made an Instagram post about DeSantis lying about liberal states allowing post-birth abortions and I got several family members railing against me. I’m tired of staying quiet when this happens. I think that, because how my parents raised me, I’m afraid to speak my mind to older family members. Fuck that though.
Has anyone else had this experience? I wonder if therapy would help. I just don’t know how to explain it.
Here’s my experience:
My wife and I both grew up very conservative evangelical. Over the last 15 years, we went from right to left (which I’m so happy to have had someone on that path).
Meanwhile, a good chunk of our family has gone hard right or turned a blind eye to those who do. My wife and I have taken different approaches. I dropped off all social media where family was. I’ve established my own boundaries based on how batshit crazy they are and how much I want to stay in touch.
Cousin who posts all the conspiracy shit? I’ll see you at wedding and funerals.
Dad who was an amazing father but listens to Tucker Carlson too much? We typically have 2 hours of conversation before we get to politics. So that’s how long we spend together.
My wife deals with that stuff better. She posts on social media but in a kind and persuasive way, never arguing or getting mad on there, even though she is.
For me, the biggest reason why it’s been good to take the more soft approach is the number of people who reach out to us (mostly my wife) because they are beginning to change their views too. They need a safe place to ask questions. This has included a niece who confided that she’s gay and a sibling who went from moderate republican to climate activist vegan. Coming out the other side together bonds us even more.
So, boundaries. Be firm, but kind. Be patient and inviting for those asking questions. Also, yes therapy.
This is solid advice. The importance of setting and enforcing boundaries cannot be overstated, particularly when things are emotionally charged.
I’ve made it very clear that I won’t talk with my parents about politics. Mom can’t help taking the odd pot shot, but I just deflect or ignore it. I don’t engage anymore because there is zero benefit to engaging.
We talk about the things we can talk about and let the rest go. If that becomes not enough for them or they can’t respect boundaries, we scale back contact until they do.
