cross-posted from: https://programming.dev/post/14816537
I’m 43 years old but apparently I have a baby face, good hair for my age and everyone believes I’m in my mid 20s, even though I already have some gray hairs nobody seems to notice (so far).
I started the lie: first time I started my last job at a hospital immediately after my bachelor and told my new coworkers my real age (38 at the time) they started judging me: why are you not married, why don’t you have children, what have you done in the last 20 years.
The way these women asked was accusatory, like I’m a failure for being almost 40 and not having children or being single. At that moment I decided next time somebody at the workplace asks me for my age, to blatantly and shamelessly lie: I’m 25, leave me alone.
Since that bad experience I’ve worked at 2 other hospitals and my lie has always helped: patients and coworkers believe I’m 25 because as said I look like it, don’t pester me about children or marriage and while my current coworkers are gossips and need drama to live, they don’t push my buttons because I don’t give them any ammunition. It’s tolerable.
Note that I didn’t lie in my application and accounting and management at my workplace know very well my real age, but my coworkers and direct manager are oblivious to it: On my first day I just told them I’m 25 and they didn’t question it.
Now, I have the body of a 43 year old, meaning I don’t lift heavy patients like a 25 year old and sometimes I come home with back pain. I don’t know if I’d get better assignments if I’m sincere about my age (I’d like that, but is it realistic?). I just don’t want to get to 65 with a broken back. I don’t want drama either, just to work and go home.
I lie to protect myself.
If I need to change this, why and how?
Don’t lie that you’re 25. In my experience, there are 2 ways to handle stupid questions you don’t wanna answer.
- agree and amplify with bullshit. “yeah, 40 and unmarried. I’m so lonely. I scream and cry myself to sleep every night. I drink 5 gallons of vodka just to make it thru a shift.”.
- change the frame. “why are you so interested in my marital status? Are you looking for someone? I’m flattered but you’re not my type.”.
yeah, 40 and unmarried. I’m so lonely. I scream and cry myself to sleep every night. I drink 5 gallons of vodka just to make it thru a shift.
I imagine myself using your answers with my coworkers, who are gossips and they replying how rude I am, feeling outraged and refusing to help me with my job.
The thing is, I’d use this answer with people that separate their private life from their jobs, but where I am, and in nursing in general, this doesn’t happen. And if they don’t separate both things, then they stop helping all together when they perceive you as unfriendly, meaning I have to work more.
I guess the price I pay for their help is faking interest in their lives.
I need to work somewhere else, don’t I?
