Mine was having the sudden urge to hurl a random toddler who was teetering over the edge of a waterfall.
I used to rummage ruminate often, meaning that many old conversations, arguments, and aggressions lingered in my mind for days and would upset me very much. I went to a psychologist and she was incredibly dismissive so I had to deal with that on my own because I felt ashamed to go anywhere else. Thankfully, I don’t have them anymore or as much as I used to.
I think the word you’re looking for is ruminate. The word comes from ruminant animals like cows, who partially digest fibrous plants, regurgitate them, and “chew cud”. Which is what we do when we regurgitate negative memories.
My tool, which works for me but i am not a mental health expert, is this:
When i find that I’ve entered a ruminant thought cycle, I’ll start asking these questions and working through it logically
- Does this memory have something beneficial to teach me in this moment?
- Can I learn any more from this memory?
- The moment is in the past, and I’m alive here and now
- I am the only one who still remembers
- This memory is no longer useful, I will think about something else
- I’ll think about something now, because I’m alive now
I’m sorry your psychologist was ineffective. A good one can be hard to find
the word you’re looking for is ruminate
I do! I can’t believe I used the wrong one, that’s embarrassing. Thanks for the tips and the correction!
That’s a great comment. I go though basically the same steps with my constant flow of embarrassing and/or sad memories
If they’re useful then maybe I should explore this thought for a little longer, or try to speak with someone
If I have nothing to gain from it and it’s just making me cringe or sad I try to do something else to distract myself
It’s important to not shut these memories down immediately. Some memories really need to be explored in order for you to properly leave them in the past. And you can bottle up a bunch of emotions if you refuse to think about thoughts that come to you constantly.
Please don’t give up on finding a mental health care provider who works for you! If it helps, think of it like shopping for any other product or service; you want to pick out food that works for you, clothes that fit you well, electronics you can use well, the right beverage you’re in the mood for in the moment, etc. and finding a psychologist who provides the psychological care that works for you as an individual is just as important.
It’s very important to remember that not jiving well with one psychologist, therapist, etc. is not in any way a failure on your part. Sometimes someone just isn’t the right service provider for you, and that’s nothing you need to be ashamed about.
If you are getting a builder to work on your house, a mechanic to work on your vehicle, and such it’s perfectly normal to consult with more than one person before picking out who you think is the best for for the job and to change providers if one isn’t working out, and your health is no less important to get the right person to work with you on.
I’d go so far as to say that the vast majority of people who use mental health providers have encountered one or more that just weren’t right for them, and I certainly count myself as one of those clients. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with shopping around for someone who works out better for you.
I’m sorry that you had a bad experience with your psychologist.
If I can point out one thing that might help you is that these thoughts largely come from an evolutionary trait called Negative Bias
Negative Bias is the disproportionate focus on bad events and/or memories compared to good events.
It applies to a large range of memories and our ability to perceive danger. Evolutionary it makes sense because our embarrassing memories makes us afraid or unwilling to behave in a way that the social group doesn’t like.
You can imagine when humans lived in societies in small groups of 30 people, that disrespecting someone could get you kicked out of the group and potentially starve to death in the wild. So there is a very strong evolutionary pressure that made your brain evolve to avoid repeating bad scenarios
Your constant embarrassing, sad, or traumatic memories are your brain reminding you over and over not to be in that situation again.
Unfortunately your brain didn’t evolve to be happy. It evolved to survive.
All I wanted to explain is that these memories are not your fault. Don’t feel like you’re any different because you have bad memories constantly. Accept that your brain will do what it is programmed to do and learn how to work around those tendencies.
And I could recommend trying another psychologist. I’m also available to chat if you’d like. Cheers 🙂
