Got back from family vacation, got on the dreaded Facebook, found out the woman who was my first gf 12 years ago, and subsequently a friend I talked to pretty frequently, had died of liver failure at 33 years old.
Looking back on it, when she was drinking 12 years ago it just seemed like a fun time. I didn’t know she sustained that pace for a decade plus. Some other things took a toll too, like an eating disorder.
Anyways, I am fuckin sad, fuck alcohol, it’s as bad as heroin but capitalism gotta make that $$$$$
tbh I stopped drinking recently and I found i got a lot of mileage out of replacing it with yummy things that helped trick my reptile brain
the monkey clapping cymbals in my head thinks that a non alcoholic beer is a beer, and it thinks a nice soda water w/ bitters is a cocktail
I take some drug store sleepy meds before bed since I had similar feelings you do re: insomnia / ‘i need to drink to sleep’
I find the combination of tasty fake alcoholic treats + things that accomplish what my body is concerned about creates enough of a placebo for me personally.
