In high school I just kinda started doing bad at things that I used to do well but on purpose. I was a band nerd and had been first or second chair for a very long time and one day I decided that I was going to bomb the chair placement tryouts and let somebody else play the hard parts of the music (it was a public high school… nothing that we played was very hard).

I probably could have just asked to play third part but it was kinda … necessary to go through the process of failing. Even though I did it on purpose, it still felt very bad. Which was a weird thing to feel myself going through.

Maybe find something hard that you can do on your own that you know you’re going to fail at. Some stupidly hard video game (no cheats or walkthroughs) or read a very difficult book to comprehend all the way to the end without stopping to look anything up or read somebody else’s synopsis. Just constantly tell yourself that its okay to not be good at a thing.

Fuck… if your self description is anything to go off of, if you really want to dive blind off of a cliff, go find a karaoke bar. Walk in the door, either ask somebody to pick a song for you that they won’t mind you mangleing or pick one at random. The only rules are that you have to keep trying to sing the song, no matter how bad you fuck it up and you stay on the stage until the song is over.

it takes time and logistics to meet and spend time with other people / make friends. Then it takes time and practice to learn making conversation smoothly and naturally. at times I had to force myself to go back to the very limited number of places I would find friends or new friendly people. US towns are not built for making friends, they lack some common social places that other countries do.

As for finding what interests you and doing something you love. idk everyone is different I tried many hobbies and crafts before finding things I like, such as DIY biking, kayaking, picnicking, music, computer and electric stuff. I try not to horde a bunch of bulky idle half-done projects cluttering up the place, but very happy with a few creative crafty projects that are useful like building a bike or sew fit a shirt or pants or alter an accessory.

BTW, the book Laziness Does Not Exist is about exactly this

Honestly recommending trying some weed and art of your choice ( whether its a book, music or videogame) for your situation. Also you need to understand that failure and success are both useful for growing as a person. YOUR MISTAKES ARE HOW YOU LEARN. Embrace em.

I dont think the comments necessarily grasp the specific nature of perfectionism all that well. Perfectionism in many cases comes from being in traumatic environments where independence becomes subordination and you are punished for breaking others’ arbitrary rules. As a result you adapt to these conditions where failing means punishment; you learn that if you want to try something you must not fail.

The way to get over perfectionism is to learn who you are by doing hard things you didnt previously think you can do and to be active in experiencing life and high intensity emotions. Its not that your low self esteem is caused by perfectionism, but low self esteem actually causes perfectionism.

You should if you can try to do some research into trauma itself. One of the most clear signs of trauma is perfectionism and it seems to me like healing the trauma will be the way for you to get over the hurdle of perfrctionism