I’m in my late 20’s and this is my first year since 2018 that I have not done adult recreational sports (softball and flag football) in the spring and summer. The reason for not doing them this year is because my wife and I had our first child and I did not have time to play like I usually do between work and the new child. I thought I would miss playing sports, but I really don’t.
I loved sports as a kid, but playing adult sports the last few years really wore me down. I was always the captain and even the event organizer for one sport and I really liked it at first, but as the years went on I noticed it was tougher to really enjoy it. Getting people to come out each week was the biggest problem. Even people I knew personally would get super flaky and cancel hours before the game kicked off, often leaving us shorthanded. Then other teams were also a challenge. I lost my super competitive streak years ago so I really just want to have fun and get some exercise, but some people seem to be unable to accept anything short of a win and appear willing to do anything possible to improve their odds of a win including cheating or being abusive. This constant bickering of reminding opponents of the rules, only to then be accused of being rule police became very frustrating. Often I felt like my team would be very flexible to avoid conflict and it still didn’t guarantee a smooth experience at all and there would still be unsportsmanlike conduct from the others. Our team wasn’t always perfect either, but it was almost always the result of reacting to unfair treatment. We even had one team who mocked our female pitcher and made sexist comments. We complained to the league and the team was thrown out of the league immediately, but our pitcher was shaken heavily by the experience.
I have been heavily contemplating if I want to go back to adult rec sports, and I really struggle to justify it. I’ve been so much more at peace not playing and I find I enjoy more going to professional sports and just watching casually rather than playing myself. Adult sports just feel so different compared to playing when I was a kid where it was about having fun and making friends. Now it just feels like people are only interested in winning and dominating their opponent even if it’s a meaningless game. Why do people do this? Should I just quit forever or should I give it another chance?
Try other sports, competitive or not. Disc golf, tennis, basketball, volleyball, jogging, swimming, hiking, cycling, badminton, lawn bowling, skiing, surfing, and more… so much to choose from.
I think part of it is whether you win or lose if you go too hard you earn a prize of a sore back/arm/legs. Remember to always pace yourself, know your limits, and stretch lightly before, between breaks and after when you have time.
Organized sports with formal teams and team jerseys and calendars and refs was fun in my 20’s, but I was mainly doing pickup games by my 30’s. Now in my 40’s, I still do some participation in semi-organized leagues for inherently less serious sports, but it’s easy to enforce a “fun first” atmosphere when people are drinking beers while waiting their turn.
That all being said, I still do really enjoy individual, non-competitive sports where you’re trying to get your own personal best: weight lifting (whether powerlifting or olympic lifting), running, swimming, biking, etc. I like putting up better numbers than before, in all of those sports, even in a non-competitive environment. Or combinations of numbers (not my fastest 5k ever, but maybe my fastest 5k in the same month that I put up these deadlift numbers, etc.).
The competitive assholes are in youth sports, too, by the way. I think the last time I saw two 40-somethings almost get in a fist fight, they were dads at their daughters’ basketball game.
People who grew up doing sports have it quite easier than the rest when it comes to picking up a new physical activity later in life. Yes, I can no longer compete in the martial art I grew up competing, nor can I participate in any serious basketball event near me. But, for example, I can ride my bike for hours, explore very different routes and empty my mind. It is like meditation on my breathing while moving in quite beautiful natural surroundings. Sometimes getting to summits so silently beautiful that I wish I knew how to capture the beauty. It’s a different kind of fun, but it’s still fun.
Team sports… I 've played basketball and soccer as a kid, in competitive settings too, and I don’t think I can remember many occasions where everyone was respectful. It didn’t get better during adulthood. And it doesn’t take many assholes to ruin a game, even if they are eventually contained. Sometimes I miss basketball, which is probably the sport I loved most as a kid, but never the negative side of the team aspect, which was pretty much always present. In cycling (or running) the fact that you don’t need anyone else doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy company of others with similar taste and attitude :-)
And of course it’s the health aspect that is quite important. Maybe you are young and healthy enough still to disregard it, but for me, that alone pretty much justifies sports for as long as my body can handle them. As for watching… It’s easy for me to get bored (provided no unhealthy stimulants are used) when my heart rests at 45 bpm, but it’s pretty impossible to feel like that when it is constantly above 120-130 bpm to support movement. At some point in my life I took living with my heart very literally XD
Time to find a different group or a less organized one. I play basketball once a week with a group of friends/friends of friends. It’s non-competitive; we shoot for teams to mix it up every game. When we get 8 (4 on 4) or more we play full court.
It’s fun, it keeps us all in (a little bit of) shape, and the lack of formal organization makes it easier not to burn out.
I like the idea of this. A open and non competitive atmosphere where you can play with your friends and family. I think the organized league style is killing my love of playing sports. Our league is supposed to be “fun first” but I find that is rarely the case. I think I do need a change and what you described here is very appealing
The guys in my office started it about 15 years(!) ago - playing in the winter to stay in shape for golf in the summer. They were in their early 20s and I was pushing 40 at the time. People have come and left over the years. We picked up a pair of international PhD students two winters ago, then they graduated. We have about 12-14 on a group text and we do a roll call the night before to make sure we have enough to play. We use an open gym at the local rec center most of the year, and then commandeer outdoor courts wherever we find them when the rec center has kid camps in the summer. We’ve talked about joining a league, but we’re all busy professionals, many with families and young kids, so time is tight. There’s a lot of good-natured trash talk and we’re all pretty gassed by the end of the hour. I hate it when I miss because I get a better cardio workout than anything I would do myself.
There’s plenty of ways to enjoy physical activity as an adult. It seems the ones you are involved in are in the organised, competitive category. Maybe give some other categories a go and see if they suit you better. Something you might try are outdoor activities you can do with friends that are less constrained by rules or teams e.g., rafting, rock climbing, hiking, bicycling. If you’re still feeling competitive then maybe it’s the team aspect that’s challenging at the moment and you could try some individual competitive sports like running or weightlifting so that you aren’t having to organise others.
But to answer your question, I’m a fair bit older than you and for me it gets less fun as injuries are more frequent and take longer to heal but on the other hand I know better what I like and who I like to play with.
