28 points

Damn, I missed the “by a” and thought a woman swallowed a python and thought, “fuck yeah, see how you like it, you bastard!”

Need my coffee.

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2 points

I love this

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24 points

If I had a nickel…

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19 points

I’d have 3 nickels which isn’t a lot but weird that it happened three times.

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8 points

I dunno what would be a better attempt at self defense against such large snakes, but I think I’d start carrying around both pepper spray and also a stun gun, just in case.

No idea if either would be fully effective, but damn that would be a hell of a way to go, might as well try to be prepared to defend myself.

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4 points
Removed by mod
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3 points

Snek scoffs at humans’ tiny bite force.

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4 points

Wear a special constrictor armor that deploys buzz saws if it’s ever squeezed with enough force to break ribs.

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2 points
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9 points
*

I used to use rubbing alcohol on my pet snake’s nose if he accidentally latched onto me instead of his food. I don’t have any idea if that would work on snakes that kill by constriction though

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6 points
*

Fair enough, seems a handy enough trick.

In that case, I’d probably carry around a super soaker water gun loaded with some strong alcohol, and just hope I’d be able to shoot it at a distance before it gets close enough to wrap around me.

Could also in a pinch light the alcohol on fire as a crude flamethrower, packing a double punch…

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2 points

All these assume that you’ll see the snake before it latches onto you.

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9 points

Cue pissed-off flaming snek coming at you fast…

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11 points
Removed by mod
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2 points

Maybe it’s enough to be highly intoxicated when outdoors. 🤷‍♂️

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18 points

I’ll take a machete and a shot gun thanks.

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10 points

That’s if you spot it before it grabs you. I imagine it’s gonna be hard to aim a shotgun or swing a machete once the snake starts constricting you.

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8 points

The one thing snakes like this do quickly is grab and coil around their prey. Everything else is slow slow slow. You’d really need some sort of pepper spray in a breakable tube that activates upon constriction. Hmmmmm….

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10 points

You spelled flamethrower wrong.

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9 points

Your autocorrect accidentally replaced the word aerial bombing.

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18 points

Dumb question but the snake kills the person before swallowing them right?

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26 points
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14 points
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16 points

The snake usually constricts the person or animal until they die by suffocation, due to an inability to expand the lungs. There have been cases where they eat living creatures, including people, but suffocation is pretty guaranteed once they swallow the head.

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7 points

What a shitty way to go, if you’re not quite dead before it decides to swallow you 😫

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7 points

Luckily constricting snakes can feel you gasping for air. It makes them constrict even more. The use to much energy to not fully kill its prey.

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10 points
*

that’s why i grew so large; so i can’t be swallowed easily.

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7 points
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Python: … hssssschallenge accepted.

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