1 point
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92 points

He also shares his porn browsing history with his son. And reviews his sons porn browsing history.

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3 points

Gotta share the good stuff!

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312 points

https://www.marketplace.org/2023/11/09/whats-the-deal-with-speaker-mike-johnsons-financial-disclosure/

He claimed 0 assets. No stocks, no interest earning bank accounts, no mutual funds, no CDs. That’s awfully suspicious.

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40 points

“Actually, the Speaker’s office told Marketplace that he does have a personal bank account, but it’s exempt from House reporting rules because it doesn’t earn interest.”

Lol

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3 points

None of our bank accounts really pay interest, 0.01% come on.

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14 points

Oh the perfect cover for massive bribes got it.

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76 points

Don’t you need an account for your paycheck? Like they don’t pay cash.

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17 points

You can cash a paycheck without an account it just costs you to

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7 points

If you go to the bank that issued the check, they should cash it for free.

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26 points

Mike Johnson cashes his checks at walmart confirmed.

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15 points
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52 points

Some places pay cash, and some will pay in pre-paid debit cards. That’s not usually the case for the U.S. Gov’t, though!

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6 points

What kind of scammer is paying in prepaid debit cards?

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34 points

No claimed assets + religious nutjob suggests to me that he gives all his income to some cult leader.

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13 points

The cult leader? Itself.

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51 points

Is he married? Maybe all of it is in his wife’s name.

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33 points

or an LLC or some other tax haven

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11 points

This is most likely the correct answer.

Hides assets and protects them from prying investigation

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20 points

I support that’s possible.

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85 points

Yeah. Maybe the most important word here is “claimed”.

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52 points

Is he not 3rd in line? Also there is a currently a member of congress being investigated because they claimed on their campaign finance forms to have loaned their campaign $350,000 despite not having a savings account. Pretty weird if you ask me

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56 points

Biden is the president

Harris is first in line should Biden leave office

Johnson is second in line, behind Harris

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8 points

As programmer, that should feel right, but it sure doesn’t.

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52 points

Yes, it’s a zero-indexed array.

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4 points

Not really, the president is not in the line of succession.

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9 points

3rd if you count the presidency itself.

Pres

Vp

Speaker

President pro tempore

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18 points

The president is not in line though. His office is what the line is for, and he’s in it.

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1 point

If they all lined up outside biden’s office, I bet he would wait at the back of it.

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0 points
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20 points

I prefer my presidents pro Teriyaki

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9 points

have i been eating amateur teriyaki this whole time?!

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132 points

So you’re telling me that either Mike Johnson has a wad under his mattress, or is somehow the most based cryptobro in politics? Someone should… investigate… this.

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-8 points

Why would they investigate it? Either he has no money, and is telling the truth, or he “has no money” and will be happy to share his “nothing” to keep an investigation from happening.

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16 points

It was stated elsewhere that he has

no interest earning bank accounts

So while most bank accounts do earn interest, apparently he has one which does not.

The investigation part of mine was more insinuation that he had a massive wad of money sitting relatively unsecured in his home.

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4 points

…yeah, that’s what I’m saying. Maybe he’s got no money, or keeps it in a bank with no interest for some weird reason, but the more likely scenario is that he has a lot of money he doesn’t want to make public. If he’s got so much money that it benefits him more to keep it hidden than to let it publicly gain interest, then he’s going to be willing to hand some of it off to a corrupt public official to prevent an investigation.

If a real investigation were done, then there would be no reason for him to bribe anyone, which is the more important thing for the vast majority of the government, so they have no reason to do an investigation. I’d like them to, but my preferences aren’t going to matter to the guy who only took the job of an investigator for the bribery money. If anything, they’ll just do a sham investigation so that they can say “nope, nothing” while walking away with their pockets full of cash.

It’s been a long time since this country meaningfully punished a rich man for doing something wrong.

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14 points

Somebody call Coffeezilla

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3 points

He’s kinda busy.

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92 points

Or he’s lying

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26 points

This is my vote, using Occam’s Razor. Or a related option: he’s being overly pedantic about terminology (e.g. maybe everything is in a trust or something).

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84 points

Vance shoots his wad in his couch

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7 points

Does JD worry about being homosexual because he fucks a Lazy-Boy or does he think it is fine because it is sounds close to Ladyboy and they are real women after all.

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11 points

And the pennies caught between the cushion hold more value than his deposit.

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59 points

Any time Mike Johnson shoots a wad, his son gets a notification about it.

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