So I am a part of the LGBTQ community and work in a big city in middle europe. A lot of my coworkers are religios and have a foreign background. They are mostly very nationalist and homo-/transphobic. I hate them for their blind hate and bigotry, which wont change. I have realised, that I have become a bit bigotred towards people like them in the last few months, which is, even tho my biases often revealed to be true, just unfair to them. How could I stop that?
It sounds like you’re describing the Paradox of Tolerance.
The paradox of tolerance states that if a society is tolerant without limit, its ability to be tolerant is eventually ceased or destroyed by the intolerant. Karl Popper described it as the seemingly self-contradictory idea that in order to maintain a tolerant society, the society must retain the right to be intolerant of intolerance.
I don’t really have a good answer other than follow your heart, I guess.
It’s not a paradox, it’s a social contract. Tolerance is only deserved by those who are tolerant themselves.
In philosophy, “paradox” often doesn’t mean that something really is self-contradictory, but rather that it seems self-contradictory. There are what Quine called “veridical paradoxes” which seem at first to be contradictions but actually turn out to be true but non-obvious. That’s the case for a lot of “paradoxes” arising from math, for example the birthday paradox.
(In any event, “deserve” is much more complicated than “paradox”!)
It is a paradox because there’s no objective, universal definition of tolerance. It’s literally impossible to be tolerant of everything. So you’re left with different forms of what intolerance people deem acceptable.
People make the same mistake about bigotry. It’s impossible not to be a bigot. You just don’t want to be the wrong kind of bigot. Now if only we could all agree on exactly what that was.
The “paradox” here is that by being tolerant of intolerance, we are actually decreasing the overall level of tolerance when normally we’d expect tolerant behaviors to increase tolerance.
Compare it to the “death wave.” When someone stops in a multi lane intersection to allow someone to cross in debt of them, the pedestrian/vehicle can’t see around the stopped vehicle and this can result in them being hit by a motorist in the adjacent lane. It feels like you’re being safe and considerate, but you’re actually putting the other person in more danger than if you had simply followed the right of way. It happens often enough that a name has been coined for the phenomenon.
Tolerating hate increases hate, not tolerance. Tolerating hate in the extreme decreases tolerance not only relative to the hate, but because once hate takes over they eliminate tolerance (see Florida).
The word paradox has too many meanings, alas. I like jan Misali’s explanation of the word: there are five definitions of paradox. https://youtu.be/ppX7Qjbe6BM?si=Lnkao0t0qFLi9tjj
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OP is describing their own growing bias towards an ethnic group based on opinions they have encountered in a few of them. They want help with their own biases. This isn’t really the kind of answer this post needs. It’s becoming cliche.
I may have read it incorrectly but I didn’t see anything about an ethnic group in OPs post. The only distinguishing factor they provided was “blind hate and bigotry”. Which is not an ethnic group.
a lot of my coworkers are religious and have a foreign background
I think this where the bias settles in that he wants to remove.
Being religious or homophobic isn’t a ethnic group. OP is basically growing a hatred for bigoted/sexist/xenophobic people because they’re forced to interact with them on a regular basis, which sucks for sure :-(
You have no reason to believe that. That’s a nice interpretation but all you heard is “People like them”. It’s uncomfortable to say they are stereotyping based on race. But that’s probably what’s going on.
Why else would you look for advice? “I don’t like bigots, what do I do?” I guess if that’s the only problem you are equipped to talk about then better to stick to it. I’m trying to help someone navigate out of bigotry because that’s the more important interpretation.
I don’t think so, as I stated earlier I hate my nationalist coworkers, but my problem is, that I have the same feelings for people like them that I don’t know.
Talk to them. Most people have some redeeming qualities. It might also help them understand you and become less bigoted, although that won’t happen overnight (google Daryl Davis for some interesting info/Ted Talks)
Its human nature to be racist look at our history. We made african americans do slavery before lincoln was in office. We still haven’t gotten over the whole racism as its still around on the internet no matter where you look could be jokes could be crimes it is just there. We as humans want to be more powerful than other humans hence the racism and bullying. However there will always be people who are against racism which happen to be the correct minded people. To be honest my brother makes racist jokes all the time but limits it to our private discord.
The best thing to do is to hold in your thoughts dont be mean to people is all I have to say.
It’s not unfair if they are bigoted.
Try to ignore everyone’s background before judging them. Wait until they reveal their true opinions then feel free to judge.
I know it seems like all the people from certain cultures have similar opinions, and it’s true on average. But don’t miss good people in there. Let it that be your motivation - finding good people in a sea of assholes.
What do you mean by ignoring background? At first that sounds like “I don’t see color” but surely you dont mean it like that. What did you have in mind?
I absolutely mean it like that.
It doesn’t preclude acknowledging that other people do see color.
Compare statements:
- Person is seen as (color) by racists
- Person is (color)
Ignoring or dismissing someone’s background, culture, identity, and experiences is a terrible way to get to know them. That’s like trying to understand the Odyssey without knowing about the Iliad
Look, one thing you need to take away is there’s a good chance not all of them actually feel that religion in their bones.
A lot of them are still “religious” because they’re afraid of being judged by their peers, which in some of those cultures can go way beyond just shaming.
I had a friend who was an exchange student when I was in college. He was originally from Jordan and had struggled with his religion for a long time, and in his time in the US, felt like he was becoming atheist. He went home to Jordan to basically hide that fact from everyone he knows for the rest of his life because apostasy is illegal in Jordan. He could be stripped of his civil rights, his ability to get a job and lose all legal relationships with his family.
The issue of course is an authoritarian religious environment which punishes deviation from strict belief.
In my opinion, you do not have to like people who are using their belief to shun others. Their blind hatred and bigotry make them unworkable people to have relationships with. Does this mean every person from their country is like this? No. Does this mean every person even in that group you’re talking about is like this, deep down? No, some of them may be way more open but are worried about attacks from within their own community.
My suggestion would be to do your best to be considerate and polite in a work context, but not have any relationship with them outside of work, and focus on the idea that not everyone from such a culture ends up so hateful and practicing jingoistic nationalism. My friend from Jordan is a bright, shining example of a kind, loving human who grew up in a culture that taught him to not be.
Blame the nationalism, blame the religion, blame the strict governance that forces these beliefs on people. The individuals are being taken advantage of by their religion and nation, even if they’re not aware of it. It is their fault for not becoming better people, and you don’t have to be friends with them or polite to them outside of work.
Anyway, personal opinion, forced beliefs aren’t 100% on them, and we should be considering that some people have learned to be very, very good at hiding their real selves in this kind of environment.
You might someday find out that one person in that group really wants to escape it and become more open and less discriminatory and bigoted.
As for yourself, I don’t think it’s bigotry to recognize hate and bigotry for what they are. I do think you need to be able to stop and consider that not everyone from such a community is like the people you have experienced, although a vast majority of them may be like that.
Anyway, put the blame where it lies, on a religion and government that twists people in knots by leveling severe punishments for not being the “right” religion.
