116 points

John Wayne was a turd who vocally supported Joseph McCarthy and Richard Nixon.

Spider-Man is based.

Gay beer is great.

I’m not seeing the downside here?

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24 points

I prefer something like clover to astroturf, but your local climate may vary.

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23 points

It reminds of the one panel comic strip where it says “Liberal Utopia” and it has all these great things in it (Abortion centers, universal Healthcare, gay marriage, and other good stuff) but the comic is supposed to more “Look at these horrible things!”

I love what the fascists don’t like lol

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27 points

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9 points

Same vibe, not the comic I was thinking of. Good try though!

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9 points

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2 points

John Wayne had to be physically restrained from beating up a Native American woman at the Academy Awards.

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67 points

Why is astroturf “woke”?

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64 points

Because woke means “thing I don’t like” and that’s all

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6 points

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20 points

Petrochemical replacement for plants and favored by stadium owners that hate labor costs? That might be points in it’s favor, but the real issue is liberals don’t appreciate the experience of playing ball in real grass.

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20 points

It’s probably because green fields take a ton of water to maintain in many climates. In the American west, they’re awful for water usage. Green lawns and golf courses should straight up be banned for the public good.

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15 points

I’d like to try a round of golf in a western desert. We’re just hitting a ball around; it doesn’t have to look like Scotland.

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20 points

Even as all the alarm bells go off about droughts and impending water crises, we must never compromise on our God-given right to lush green grass lawns.

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45 points

We’ve finally found it: the queer agenda. Let’s get to work, people.

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44 points

John Wayne? Don’t you mean Marion Morrison? Use their birth name to inoculate against the woke virus.

/s

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32 points

I’m sorry but the “inside” tweet reads like satire

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37 points

I’m pretty sure it is. Still a great response.

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7 points

Looking at what appears to be this guy’s twitter I think that’s probably accurate. One of the first things I saw looking for this guy’s profile was this and I can’t see any other explanation for the term “Straightriotic lovemaking”

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