Everytime when I visiti parents home it seems that don’t care I’m even there. They have their “sports routines”, which cannot be stopped. It happens to others too. Most topics revolt around what matches they had, with whom and watch matches in TV. Whenever they go to some holidays they look for sports hall for playing. They take part in exercises with coach, they play occasional games with 20+ friends.
The last time I had some talk, was that one time couple months ago when I brought the board game to improve our family integrity and communication skills, to get to know each other better, but that was once.
I feel that I I know them mostly on the surface level currently.
Just the opposite. I’m the one who goes off to do something else at family gatherings because they just talk and talk and talk.
Though it’s not so much that they talk so much as that it’s just the same stuff over and over - alternately, my brother slavishly regurgitating right-wing techbro quasi-libertarian bullshit and my mom reciting in excruciating detail some anecdote that’s maybe vaguely related to the topic at hand and that she’s told countless times already, because it’s her go-to every time something in that vicinity comes up.
And what I wouldn’t give to know them less well…
I dunno, I think especially in older generations, the earnest conversation is something to be avoided at all costs. For my dad, that’s just how he was raised and I think his worst nightmare would be talking about feelings or something.
So take that and then put a hobby/passion that clearly means a lot to your folks and yeah, those can really combine in unfortunate ways.
Personally, when we’re not talking politics (my parents’ version of sports) I will sometimes throw more serious or interesting questions at mom (as said, dad hates that so I don’t push) and sometimes get interesting answers. It’s effort and mostly a one way street but I try to remember they’re not from a super healthy emotional era and even if they might at times be open to it, it does not come naturally to them (or me if I’m being honest.)
Don’t know if that early morning ramble helps but I hope it does.
It sounds like they’re deeply invested in their hobby (which is great) at the expense of other things (which is not great), and I’d say that is relatively common. It’s a shame that it isn’t a hobby that you share, but I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing.
When you say “let’s just sit and talk,” what are you trying to talk about?
That’s me lol. I love programming a lot, and if I don’t, I’m either drawing or playing splatoon. I just don’t have a switch in my head that tells me “you must know about the news” or “go see how your friends are doing”. Not really that I don’t care, but as long as my family is fine and I have nothing to say to them, why bother?
My compromise with that was to get stuff to do together. Video games or board games are a good enough idea.
Sitting and talking can be awkward and taxing. If I want to have an in-depth chat with someone, I typically ask to go for a walk or a hike.
