Hello, folks. Hoping I can get some opinions on my situation.
My 12-yo watches a lot of YouTube. It is mostly streaming personalities who have a lot to say on a variety of topics. I have either watched these videos with them, overheard them from another room, or looked some up from their history and viewed them myself.
I have problems with them and want to do something about it.
I care little about the topics being discussed; my child is allowed to be interested in their own things, even those separate from ours (their parents), and it’s also reasonable for them to disagree with us. All of that is fine.
My problem is with how these streamers present their content:
- They do not provide critical scrutinization of the issues.
- They do not apply logical rationalization or reason to the stances they take.
- They do not cite sources of repute to justify their positions.
- They are needlessly hyperbolic.
- They examine no dissenting opinions.
- They present themselves as authorities on every topic with zero credentials to support that assertion.
- They succumb to, support, and repeat what is obviously propaganda.
To say nothing of the fact that the value the entertainment potential and viewership counts more than the content of their arguments.
I was raised allowed to moderate my own content because I was trusted to be intelligent and wise enough to critically select what I watched or read and learn from the mistakes I made if I consumed something negatively influential. I have tried to extend this same trust to my 12-yo, but their constant repetition of what they hear and their inability to form a cogent argument makes me feel like their YouTube viewing habits are teaching them to accept concepts at face-value simply because they are popular.
I don’t feel it would be productive to start out-right blocking content and pundits because this would feel more hegemonic than educational. I’d rather increase the likelihood that they’d critique and dismiss the content than decrease the likelihood that they’d view it.
I would love to hear what others have to say about this situation.
You will never be able to block them from viewing stuff they want to see. They’ll either do it through their friends devices, on other WiFi connections, or at school where networks are hilariously open or easy to bypass.
The best thing, and frankly the only thing you can do as a parent is to be engaged with them. Make them think critically on subjects, and if something they parrot back is nonsense, call them out on it. Cast that seed of doubt in their mind. If they choose to continue to watch stupid shit, that’s their choice, and it’s only worth stepping in if it’s actively dangerous.
I find starting a conversation with the kid when the opportunity presents itself organically and listen to what they think about the content / subject matter and bringing different perspectives to the subject can teach them critically thinking about what they’re hearing.
The same goes for young adult books with questionable relationship examples. Making it a conversation, hearing what they think about certain aspects and bringing different perspectives to the subject works better than taking a stance against something they love.
We all love flawed stuff, we love them while (hopefully) separating wrongs from rights in our minds because we have some degree of critical thinking. We just need to teach/guide the kids the same way. It’s ok to like something while still being able to point out the wrongs of that thing.
This is really great advice. I have tried this. They’re just at that point where they shrug or say “I don’t know” at everything, never engaging in any conversation.
Sorry for adding comment after comment, I’ve been in a position to talk to teenagers and experienced when they tune you out, when they’re interested in what you have to say.
I find it works best if you start with the positive. As adults, we should challenge ourselves to find the positive at times, since we tend to slide into correction mode without realizing.
Sometimes, we’ll start with positive and then talk about the part that’s problematic and why. Sometimes, we should just mention the positives, good examples, well thought out arguments, a good word choice etc. In fact, noticing and mentioning good examples will be the real game changers.
And be genuine, I cannot state the importance of this at all. Consider what your friend would think of the tone you’re about to use. If your friends would think you’re trying to preach, your kid will feel the same.
I agree with all of this. My issue is that the child in question literally will not listen to anything. They completely ignore heart-to-heart conversations, won’t take any advice, and don’t even acknowledge anyone is speaking. I’ve tried to use reason and logic but they just don’t care. I’ve tried to point out logical fallacy and they don’t get it. I’ve tried to show arguments being made with more cohesion and sound justification but they don’t care.
They just want to watch this garbage for entertainment. And that’s fine; I did the same thing. It’s just that this crap in particular is going to make them stupid and unable of critical thinking.
Or maybe something like “Language is such a funny thing. Did you notice they use X word to describe group A, but then use Y word while talking about group B. The media does that all the time, too. If you notice, you’ll find some very interesting extra stories they’re conveying” .
Bit of a gameplay, making the kids notice neutral words, judgement words.This may come back to bite the adult in the back when it turns on you, but hey, we want kids to be able to point out when we miss the spot, too.
Another option, how about just reacting to it at the moment when you hear something really jarring.
“Gosh, what a harsh thing to say/ harsh way to put it.”
“They’re dismissing this whole side of the story, that’s not a fair judgement at all”
“Behaving like the way they’re describing is the easiest way to lose friends. Friendships built upon trust and respecting the lines/boundaries of a person. Who wants a friend who does (breach of boundary example)”
"Can you believe this person is making such a big statement without a single proof? "
That’s why I mentioned the “organically coming up in conversation” part. Keeping the didactic tone out of the conversation, finding a genuine interest in the topic ourselves usually important.
“I like how [internet personality] put it but I can’t help but wish they also considered this aspect.”
“I used to think like that at one point, but then I’ve come to know how it really worked in real life and that changed my view”
“Interesting point [the internet personality] made, though just last week I’ve heard of this news/story/experience of (a friend, relative, random stranger), that made me think that is only one side of the coin” etc…
This situation you describe is legitimately one of my greatest fears as a parent. I have little useful advice to give; all I can really say is “good luck” and to research terms like “elsagate,” “gamergate” and “PewDiePipeline” to see what advice actual experts (psychologists etc.) have about deprogramming kids from them.
I was raised allowed to moderate my own content because I was trusted to be intelligent and wise enough to critically select what I watched or read and learn from the mistakes I made if I consumed something negatively influential.
I was raised allowed to moderate my own content because my computer-illiterate parents had absolutely no clue what the Internet was capable of exposing me to. Frankly, it was only dumb luck on their part that I happened to have the right personality and skills not to succumb to inceldom, the Alt-Right, or some other kind of radicalization.
(Even more frankly, maybe I did succumb to radicalization: I am, after all, an urbanist leftist Linux user (among other weird things) who likes to hang out on Lemmy, LOL!)
Maybe try to show them videos you deem good and/or entertaining yourself. They might even prefer them over the videos they currently like, thus reducing the time spent watching “nefarious” content.
If they suspect that you want to stir them away, perhaps try manipulating the youtube algorithm by playing a lot of “good” or neutral content and engaging with them using their account so that different videos pop up in their daily feed lessening the echo chamber effect.
Ps: This is the opinion of someone who has no experience in parenting
It’d probably cause a lot of resentment, but I believe that cutting the cord is necessary, they could be on the path of far right radicalization pipe line, or far left pipe line. You tube algorithm always push more extreme videos. I’ve got a 4yo kid, and I dred the possiblity of him getting hooked.
