My mom was talking to my seven-year-old daughter about an aunt my father has, but since I pronounce it to rhyme with gaunt, she must have confused my daughter because my daughter responded with “Is she a black aunt?” My mother was flustered and said no, but before she could ask anything about why she would think that I busted out laughing and had to hold my thumb and index finger up together to signify tiny and finally said “Black ant! She thinks you’re literally talking about Pops having an ant!” We couldn’t stop laughing. I love the very literal thinking she does.

Not my kid, but this made me laugh.

Picking my kid up from school after a funeral, I saw one of the teachers standing in the rain while sending the kids to their parents, so I stood next to him with my umbrella. One of the kids looked back at him to say goodbye, did a double take, and just stopped dead. Looking me up and down in my black suit, she asked the teacher ‘Sir, is this your butler?’

We took our daughter to a high school football game last night. As we’re parking she goes, “I want to watch people play game ball!”

Mine once asked my brother in law if she was the real Name because another girl at her school shared first names.

Neighbor kids come over to play. Daughter runs out to join, “C’mon James!” 9-yo James, who just woke up, is framed in summer sunlight, staring despondently out the open door. Sotto voce, “It’s too early for this shit.” Hangs his head, stomps outside and slams the door.

What was I gonna say?! I was about to cry from holding the laughter in. My god he sounded like a tired old man. Truth be told, he sounded like his tired old man.